Orthonomics

Spending What on What?!?!

2012-02-16T15:07:00.003-05:00

Hat Tip: Haemtza

From the 5 Towns Jewish Times: File this under Money Ain't A Thing/Baal Tashichit/Obscene

I thought this was Purim Torah and I was enjoying a chuckle until I realized the article was dead serious. The Agudah is spending a quarter of a mil on a stadium mechitza to be used for a single night. Read on [emphasis mine]:

Fresh off the exciting Super Bowl win of one of its tenants, MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, NJ, can expect increased revenue next year. However, in this challenging economy, no opportunity to develop a new source of revenue should be overlooked. The stadium found just the source it was looking for: Orthodox Jews.

Our community has unique cultural and religious requirements, so MetLife Stadium worked hand-in-hand with Agudath Israel of America to accommodate religious fans. A major breakthrough has been announced: MetLife Stadium will build a mechitzah across the entire stadium to accommodate separate seating for men and women. The mechitzah will run through all seating levels. The result: over 20,000 seats available for a women’s section.

This will mark the first time in United States history that a mechitzah of this magnitude will be built. Negotiations to build this mechitzah could not have been easy. Flimsy movable partitions are not an option when public safety is involved. This will be a solidly installed mechitzah which will be supported by beams that are drilled into the stadium’s new concrete walls. The mechitzah construction carries a price tag of no less than a quarter of a million dollars.
Will women now be able to perform “the wave” at sports events with complete privacy? Unfortunately, current plans call for the mechitzah to be dismantled after the Siyum HaShas in August. Currently, the plans are to return the stadium to the same condition it was in before the mechitzah was installed. (But maybe MetLife Stadium will alter its plans after witnessing the tremendous kiddush Hashem.) Repairing the holes in the concrete is one reason why the mechitzah carries such a high price tag.

One can debate whether a mechitzah is actually necessary at this event. Yet, to encourage all segments of the Orthodox population to attend, there is no question that having a mechitzah is important.

If I wasn't convinced before, I am now that "we" have lost our minds. And the irony can't be missed re: the dedication. “This siyum, like others before it, will honor the memory of the six million kedoshim who perished in the fires of Churban Europe. It will be a powerful testament to the eternity of Torah and the idea that it alone can preserve our past and ensure our future.”

I'd suggest organizations stop flushing money down the toilet or there won't be any kemach to preserve Torah. This is the definition of spending like a drunken solider.

(Oh, as per the Agudah's psak your ticket, priced from $18 to $1000 is tax deductible: "Regarding a tax deduction for attending the siyum, the tax experts at Agudath Israel have advised the community that purchasing seats to attend a religious siyum ceremony is no different than purchasing a High Holy Day seat in a synagogue. You may take the ticket price as a tax deduction, but not the food purchased at concession stands." I won't comment, but consult your own tax advisor.)

An Epidemic? Do I Detect Some Fear?

2012-02-15T00:50:00.004-05:00

What an interesting and revealing (with a capital R) set of responses in the Yated Chinuch Round Table to an extremely vague inquiry from a parent on the wisdom of homeschooling a child for whom the parent deems is in need of break from school. . . and much thanks to Imamother forum participant because I have taken a long hiatus from reading the publication.

In a great show of "achdus" each and every mechanech forcibly condemns homeschooling, not just for this mother/daughter but across the board. I certainly wasn't expecting an endorsement from those who are immersed in the rather homogeneous school of thought of modern day, conventional schooling. However, the responses have left my head shaking side to side and my eyes popped wide open.

The current "yeshiva system" for all of its achievements (and there are very many to admire) simply does not always work for every child and every family, and in some cases the situation on the ground is detrimental to the student and their future. And yet in these responses there is almost no self-reflection regarding the conventional system and no commiseration with the pain of a parent who is only trying to figure out how to best help her child grow and thrive. I'd say at least two of the responses border on cruel!

Here is the vague question that begs "expound me."

What is the opinion of the panel regarding home-schooling?
I live in a community with several schools, but feel that my daughter can benefit from a year away from the social pressures and stress and would like to try this. In the experience of the distinguished mechanchim, is there a reason not to?

Let's take them one by one in two to three posts (I will start with some of the most eye-popping and work my way down). My comments will be in [brackets]. Excuse the snap in my type.

Rosh Yeshiva, Yeshiva Darchei Torah, Far Rockaway

Home-schooling is the "in" thing in today's day and age, a fad bordering on epidemic. [An epidemic? Do I detect some fear of the idea even being out in the marketplace of free ideas? Being a home-camping parent/early childhood "homeschooling" parent, I'm fairly certain it is safe to say homeschooling is NOT reaching epidemic proportions, nor will it anytime soon. I don't think we need to worry about homeschooling becoming an epidemic when it is near impossible to find close in age children that are home for the 8-10 weeks of summer].

My question is: Does your daughter want/need to be home-schooled or is this your idea? There is an interesting phenomenon. Serious baalei teshuvah are able to make up in 2-3 years what our children have studies for 15. Why, then, do our children spend so many years in yeshiva? [Just ignore this stunning inditement for a second because we won't be returning to this programming.]

There are two major components besides for ongoing learning.

One is the yedios one absorbs on a daily basis from one's rebbi/morah/menahel/gedolim, etc. There are so many nuances that make up a typical day in yeshiva/Bais Yaakov. Let's call this the osmosis part of education. There is no way in the work that your daughter will pick all this up in a home-schooling environment.

Second, there is a social aspect to being in a classroom. Learning how to play with friends, interact in after-school activities, and joining in the group are most important as well. We receive hundreds of calls over the summer asking to place children with certain rabbeim. While I seriously believe that it is narishkeitin, because all the rabbeim are wonderful [Evvvvvveeeeerrrrrryyyyyy single one? If only every employer could be so lucky!], there is nothing more important than good friends in the classroom [and does the girl have good friends?]. You are sending your daughter to a Bais Yaakov not only to learn, but, even more importantly, to make and retain friends. If your daughter has the common, everyday pressures of stress, teach her how to work with it. Don't run away from it. [First it might be helpful to explore where the stress is coming from. . . . bullying? a learning issue? A school day that is too long?]

Home-schooling should be left only for those who cannot function in a classroom- a handicapped or learning-disabled child who does not want to be placed in a public school, or a child who is cracking under pressure of stress. There is no sensible reason to take a healthy, normal girl out of her milieu. We have all seen too many karbanos [from where? There isn't a statistically significant enough yeshivish population to begin to analyze. I imagine there are no failures from the "system."]. Don't gamble with your children.

I am not even discussing the silliness of trying to avoid paying tuition. This should not be a discussion or consideration. [This is a hum zinger. . . "silliness"? Are there not families in the author's school suffering financially in this environment? Are there not families and marriages not slowly dying under growing debts and financials stresses (This is regularly spoken about by Orthodox organizations when they meet to discuss tuition)? Are there not children that might be living with extra stress from their homes because of the rat race to find that $$$$ and make ends meet? . oh, I forgot, "money ain't a thing" and should not factor into such decisions. Private school parents, a published statement like this from a very well respected Rosh Yeshiva has to make you wonder, right?]

Rebbi, Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, Baltimore

I can't ever see a reason to homeschool a child. Aside from academics, there is so much to be gained from school. In fact, an argument can be made that the social aspects of school are even more important than the academics.

It sounds to me like your daughter needs a strong boost of self-confidence. Speak to her teachers for the upcoming year and explain her concerns. Homeschooling is not the answer. [Emphasis mine. Ever, ever? Can you bottle this confidence because it would eliminate a lot of sleepless nights for concerned parents?]

General Editor, Artscroll/Mesorah Publications

Unless there are compelling reasons, I would be opposed to homeschooling. The writer implies that there may be such "compelling reasons," but as a general rule it is a bad idea and, in most cases, a disservice to the child.

Academically, it is not likely that homeschooling will cover the normal school curriculum, simply because the drive to learn and teach will dwindle as the weeks go by, and there is little stimulus to maintain the program. [And this is not true of some classrooms too? Silly to even argue an unsupported point] Sooner or later, the child will go back to school and then she will be at a disadvantage, thus even increasing the pressures that the parent is trying to remove. Socially, the child will be without friends. Not at first, because she'll still be friendly with her old schoolmates, but that will wear off, since she will not be part of the school environment anymore. [If this is not the stupidest statement of the entire round table, I'm not sure what is. Seems the the socialization problem might be endemic to the very system being promoted. . . and pray tell, how do military brats even have friends?]

The parents shold consult the school on how to ameliorate the "social pressure and stress," but running away from the problem will not solve it. If, indeed, the problem is as significant as the writer implies, a professional should be consulted. [We don't even know where the problem is stemming from, but I guess the possibility that it might be coming from within the walls of the school is not something we should consider!]

The Solution: Move to Houston

2012-02-07T23:32:00.004-05:00

Needless to say, while I favor inexpensive living and I prefer Jewish life outside of New York and New Jersey, there are many reasons why people live where they live. So I'm disappointed that the OU solution to the financial woes looks to be a campaign to "Move to Houston."

Mr. Cohen points out the article Orthodox Union has found solution to Orthodoxy's problems: Houston. No doubt the title is a bit snarky.

While Houston does has far more affordable housing costs and the tuitions may be "considerably lower" than New York area day schools, they are still massive, ranging betwee $10,790 and $18,883.

A former New Yorker (with 7 children) leading the Houston Orthodox marketing campaign states:

With the number of children the average Orthodox family has, what are you going to need to make to pay your bills, live comfortably and not be on scholarship? In New York, it’s in the hundreds of thousands of dollars,” said [M], who has seven children. “In Houston, you can do it for under $100,000.”

Seven children in school at $15,000 a head average is $105,000 by the way.

I always recommend taking out a calculator before making declarations.

And a P.S. Houston weather is not a selling point in my opinion.

PSA: Torah Home Education Conference Registration Opens

2012-02-02T10:11:00.001-05:00

PSA and speaker lineup is below. Thanks for sending.

We have opened registration for the Fourth Torah Home Education Conference!

You will spend the day learning from veteran home educators, meeting other Jews interested in living a family-based learning lifestyle, and be able to peruse and purchase homeschooling materials from local and national educational vendors.

We are proud to bring you:

Evelyn Krieger, the author of the popular new novel, One is Not a Lonely Number, and veteran homeschooling mother.

Mrs Deborah Beck talking about Integrating Kodesh and Chol: Secular Subjects and Torah - Two Sides of the Same Coin.

Mrs. Robin Alberg presenting Remaining Focused In an Age of Digital Distractions.

Mrs. Susan Lapin teaching us the idea of VeShinantam Levanecha: Defining Torah Home Education.

A Veteran Homeschoolers Panel: Addressing Key Questions Including "How Can I Teach What I Never Learned?"

Mr Max Masinter leading a group discussion on Whether the Homeschooling Community Should Promote Homeschooling as a Lifestyle Choice to Address Communal Issues.

and several speakers/topics TBA.

Shabbos hospitality is available with the possibility of a melava d'malka afterwards.

The conference will be Sunday May 6, 2012 at the Park Heights JCC in Baltimore, MD. Registration will begin at 8:15am and the conference will begin at 9 am.

To find out more and register for the conference, please visit http://torahhomeeducation.eventbee.com

We look forward to meeting you at the conference!

Appreciating the Two Month Salary Rule

2012-01-30T16:14:00.002-05:00

Until recently I have thought the De Beers marketing campaign 2 months salary guideline for an appropriate cost of a engagement/wedding ring to be a ridiculous standard. Lately I'm beginning to appreciate a benchmark based on the groom's current salary.

Yet another set of takanot are being reported in effect. Once again they claim to "save" families thousands of dollars. My father would respond, you aren't saving when you are spending. And spend they do. Even at the reduced rates, families of the listed Chassidish sects are instructed to spend a hefty sum: gifts should not exceed $2,675. Yes, this amount is much reduced, as is are all the other myriads of expenses from shadchanus fees ($990) to flowers for Shabbos ($135) to the actually costs of the wedding.

Of interest: my past post A Study in Wedding Takanot Differences.

I believe these takanot are to help curtail the debt incurred upon engagement/marriage. Yet benchmarking the spending, even if it is far lower, does not cut debt. Those without the funds will still be without the funds. Which brings me back to a regular message, the culture of debt is the real culprit.

NASI: The Kick Off and the Endorsers

2012-01-30T15:26:00.005-05:00

As per Matzav publishing a NASI press release, NASI is kicking off their program with over 70 shadchanim and they have published a list of Rabbis endorsing their program. Personally, I'd like to hear from some of the endorsers because there are some names that surprise me.

I continue to believe the program defies all logic and the idea of making shidduchim more expensive strikes me as cruel. I'm not certain what the current fee scale is to be a part of the program, but in any case the fees are very high. I'm also certain that the endorsing Rabbis are aware of the lack of cash of so many families and I simply cannot wrap my head around how this can be endorsed as a solution without peer reviewed studies on the underlying issue (the "age gap"), some unbiased market research, etc.

But They Aren't Funding EVERYTHING!

2012-01-19T11:40:00.006-05:00

There is a new tuition blog, Yeshiva Sanity, that I'm keeping an eye on. One early post that caught my eye asks "Are WE the Problem?" Well, of course we are the problem and have been since the days of Mitzrayim, but the implied solution, a more centralized funding solution, isn't the real reason why the Catholic Church or the Church of Latter Day Saints can and do provide a low cost education.

As referenced in the article, the Mormon Church subsidizes the cost of attendance at Brigham Young University (BYU) which is practically "free" all things considered at $2,280 for church members and $4,560 for non-members. Yep, a private university with public university pricing even for non-church members. Likewise, the average tuition of Catholic diocese schools averages approximately $3,400 annually, with the actual cost averaging nearly $5,400, a nearly $2,000 subsidy for school attendees.

One might think, wow, if we were only unified, we could provide a more affordable product too: "If only we had the sense of community that the Mormons and Catholics had we would less of a tuition crisis. People whose kids have grown up and have the most means and least expenses would be subsidizing the younger parents who are mostly at the beginnings of their careers and can least afford to pay." [sic]

I fully believe that with greater coordination, savings could be realized, but those who compare us to them with the belief that if we only cooperated that we could come closer to the BYU result are missing something very fundamental: both groups have put their eggs in limited baskets.

I hope I have my information correct, but here is what I have gathered from various sources, including people I've spoken with:

The Church of LDS is highly centralized. Young Mormon students attend Sunday school and there are numerous social activities within the wards (local churches for which membership is assigned based on residence) and temples (regional). Education becomes more formalized in high school as youngsters attend "seminary" which takes place before public schooling. In areas with religious release time, there are paid teachers. In areas with smaller populations, schooling is provided by (unpaid) lay leaders before public schooling hours or through home study groups. While there are some day schools in the Pacific Islands and in Mexico, in America there is no day schooling movement to speak of. Mormon children predominantly attend public schools. Nor is there a subsidized Mormon Camping Movement with its own fundraising, infrastructure, and costs.

Following high school, post-secondary formal Mormon education generally includes a 1-2 year mission for young men and women (and they pay for the privilege, although the church subsidizes the umbrella structure and going on a mission is more popular among the male set). BYU is a popular choice for young Mormon students, but there are also "institutes of religion" serving the single, Mormon ages 18-30. Many of the institutes are located adjacent to college campuses and there are public universities that are highly popular among young Mormons that do not attend BYU or one of the other BYU branches.

From what I can gather, the Mormon Church has put their eggs in a few baskets. The wards and temples provide the K-12 set with Sunday education, Seminary education, and social activities that promote social identification and attachment. The umbrella structure for missions provides young men and women with an opportunity to develop their lay leadership skills. The institutes serve the educational needs and social needs of the young adults. And BYU is the flagship institution, a desirable place for students to attend college for complete immersion and meeting their match (about half the student body is married).

To briefly touch on the Catholic Church, their educational eggs are concentrated on the K-12 through diocese schools. Non-diocese schools can be quite expensive and Catholic Universities cost a fortune, just as other private universities.

Within the Orthodox Jewish world, we have an educational basket for every age bracket from 2 years old on up, and each bracket is subsidized in some way, shape, or form through fundraising, community infrastructure, etc, to say nothing about the expectation that one participate in the non-unified system from the age of 3 on up. We have preschool. We have preschool day camp. We have day school/cheder/yeshiva/bais yaakov. We have day camp. We have sleepaway camp. We have adventure and travel camps. We have boarding high schools for boys and girls. We have the year or two in Israel. We have beis medrash programs. We have social-educational youth group programs. We have outreach programs of every flavor and outreach yeshivot/seminaries. We have Jewish Universities (YU, Touro). We have college seminaries with relationships for degrees within the daled amot. We have Kollels galore. We have community Kollels too. We have shul and yeshiva sponsored avot u'banim and other learning programs. We have kollel dirshu with a stipend. We have learning within shuls with its own infrastructure and adult education institutes with their own corporate structure. (Did I miss any educational program that is supported directly or indirectly with donor money?)

In other words, even if we were to centralize/coordinate our K-12 efforts, we are funding just about everything under the sun and we have a lot of eggs in a ton of baskets. Therefore I don't think we can expect the BYU result at YU.

Shabbat Shalom.

. . . Only A Week After the Beit Shemesh?

2012-01-15T12:22:00.003-05:00

The images from the Beit Shemesh are still fresh and a two weeks later AMI Magazine publishes a picture of the White House draped in Swastikas and Nazi storm troopers on the front lawn (in an article on neo-Nazism) and the editor issues an "apology" stating "Because of the uproar in Israel over the use of the Jewish star, we may have made a poor choice and we regret putting that in this week's issue."

I simply don't even know what to say. All reality has been lost.

. . . .And Now Whopping Cough

2012-01-15T12:08:00.002-05:00

Please daven for Yisroel Meir be Sarah Gittel, baruch dayan emet as one child has been niftar according to the Lakewood physician who speaks about the importance of vaccines and those who are "ruining it" for the rest of the community at 1:53pm. He recommends that if your child is in a play group or school where there are non-vaccinated children that you should pull them out.

PSA: Save the Date Annual Torah Home Education Conference

2012-01-09T21:23:00.001-05:00

PSA from one of the organizers of the conference.

The 4th Torah Home Education Conference is on its way!

Please mark your calendars to be in Baltimore on Sunday, May 6th to attend this marvelous event.

The conference is a fabulous source of support, inspiration and camaraderie for all.

Look out for more posts regarding this special event as the program develops.

Make the Torah Home Education Conference a "must" on your homeschooling agenda.

Also, we want to know what you want to see in YOUR homeschooling conference.

Please take time to complete the following survey -

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/29MSH87

Not Much on the Tax Front, but some interesting EITC Changes

2012-01-05T23:46:00.004-05:00

(More regular blogging after I take care of a few mega projects)

I much prefer a sleepy season when it comes to changes in tax regulations. And this year isn't delivering a ton of complicated changes on the individual front. There are some changes, but nothing that inspires a lengthy column. Gone is the 2009 and 2010 "Making Work Pay" credit which reduced taxes up to $400 singles/$800 married filing joint. Some tax payers are going to be surprised by a lower refund. The credit was replaced in 2011 with the Payroll Tax cut applicable to the employee and was far more generous. Hopefully no one spent their paycheck and more counting on a similar size refund. But I'm sure there will be a few people screaming as the Making Work Pay Credit was "refundable", adding gravy to other refundable credits.

Speaking on refundable credits, the United States-Korea Free Trade Implementation Act amended the IRS code sections re: penalties on preparers who don't exercise due diligence (asking the right questions, conducting a mini-investigation of sorts). The penalty for failure to exercise due diligence moves from $100 to $500 (per return). Additionally, the prepare's checklist must be filed along with the return, not just kept on file. One has to wonder if a client is worth taking with this sort of penalty. The $100 penalty is a good reminder to exercise due diligence. A $500 penalty is big. Certain clients require a lot of extra effort to validate the validity of their claim, from the status of the children they are claiming to the accuracy of the self-employment income they present.

There is so much commentary to offer on the penalty as well as welfare credits flowing through the 1040, but I will leave my post at that and with a plea to taxpayers to act with complete yashrut because anything less puts not just the taxpayer at risk b'olam hazeh, but the preparer and his/her livelihood too.

JDeal: Saw You at Sinai

2012-01-04T10:10:00.003-05:00

Back to regular blogging momentarily. In the meantime, I'm trying to work through about 20 work related emails, but when I caught this one I figured it was worth posting for my readers looking for a shidduch.

$22.42 for 3 month Saw You at Sinai Membership

New Low Cost Option: Yeshiva High School in Los Angeles

2011-12-23T10:57:00.003-05:00

Wish I had found out about this new school before the open house. But, better late than never, right?

Los Angeles is now hosting a second low cost yeshiva high school option called Yeshiva High School with a tuition of $8000 (the first was Yeshivas Ohev Shalom which had a PSA on this blog in 2010). The mission statement is a big different than other mission statements I've read. It reads: "The Yeshiva High School is intended to serve the greater Los Angeles community and to provide each student with a diverse self-directed, independent education in a safe, supportive and nurturing environment that promotes self-discipline, integrity, motivation, and excellence in learning. We are dedicated to Halacha, Torah Hashkafa, a love of Eretz Yisrael, outstanding academic achievement, and moral conduct. The Yeshiva High School joins parents, community members and businesses to assist student to become self-sufficient, respectful, ethical adults who are successful life-long learners committed to contributing responsibility both in the Jewish and global communities."

You can see the course offering, philosophy, etc on the website. I pulled the tuition from a article in the Jewish Journal that came through my feed.

Adopting Some "Homeschooling" Skills

2011-12-20T11:30:00.004-05:00

I want to address this particular comment from my previous post. I'm pasting the comment in full, but I only will be expanding on the first part of the question, "developing a skill set":
SL, you suggest that the parents should be "developing the skills that are keeping them from seeing the possibility in homeschooling." While homeschooling is great for some and some parents are terrific at it, this not something that everyone can simply develop a skill set in. Parents who are not cut out for home schooling would be doing their kids a great disservice. Have we come to the point where we believe kids are better off home schooled just to keep them away from the goyin, even if it means a lousy education, rather than use some of the wonderful free public schools that are available either where you live or simply by moving a short distance? If you are a great teacher and your kids are suited for homeschooling, then go for it, but it is not something that every parent should be considering. . . .

My comments: I wasn't so clear in my comment as I was hinting to a larger phenomenon that I see all the time.

I see a tremendous amount of money being spent on care even where parents are available, to say nothing of communal resources (think chessed babysitting hours provided by teenage girls, as well as actual donations ). The biggest expense is summer camp. Whether it is sleep away camp, day camp, or backyard camps, it is rare even for parents who are home to forgo outside care. Then there is after-after care. Many parents hire help for the after-school hours, often advertising for someone to assist them with homework and bedtime. There are groups on yom tov and Shabbat, but no matter the set up, they are rarely manned by parents, most often teenage girls working on a paid or volunteer basis. Break is coming and for some children (with a parent who is also on break), this means more camp. It is also rare for a pre-kindgergarten student to go to pre-school a half day. Nearly all are children are in school a full day.

From what I hear and read, many parents struggle tremendously when they have their children home even for a small school break. And, that is where I think we all need to start and build more "homeschooling" skills regardless of whether or not we ever homeschool. On a purely financial basis, there are tremendous savings to be able to care for all our children when we are available, rather than outsource that care. Beyond the finances of it all, I think it is important to give quantity of time to our children. Furthermore, I think it is important for our children to have the consistency of care that can best be offered by a parent. While I sometimes like my children to go to a Shabbat group or the like, I have sat in and witnessed that the leaders lack authority and that the kids lack the consistency that they should have in their regular home and school environments. I just don't see the benefit of bouncing between school, home, multiple caregivers, multiple summer camp and other care environments.

I'm going to introduce a few of my own tricks of the trade for managing my own crew and I hope readers will add some of their own tips and successes to keep the series active. Apologies if my tips are so obvious that I'm spilling virtual ink by even sharing them:

1. Get down on the floor: My kids want attention (lots of it!). But, there is just so much to be done. In many homes, laundry is the nemesis. There is just so much of it and the pile never stops growing.

When I work on a task like laundry, regardless of the participation that day of my kids, I try to sit on the floor. While sorting, folding, hanging, I am able to provide an increased level of attention to a child. I can read a story book, or just watch a child color. Playing a game is tough, but doable too.

2. Regroup: When the behavior is going south, or about to go south, regroup. Have everyone put away what they are doing, take a breather on different chairs or couches, and then start anew. If the kids need to go back to their bedroom and come out again, try that.

3. Assign a Task: My friends complain that their children are "bored." I can't say that this is something I have personal experience with. But, when I do find that my kids are being unproductive or that they seem to be aimless, I sometimes just assign (not suggest, but actually sit them down with the new assigned task) the "bored" kid something to do. It might be a specific chore, a specific academic task or book to read, or it might be giving them an overlooked toy to play with.

4. Managing the Environment: I find that when I am disorganized or the home is disorganized, the kids become less manageable. I make it a high priority to keep this home in good shape. Some of my friends take a different viewpoint and I've had many discussions about sticky countertops and happy children, the thought being that the kids should just have fun and the mess can be cleaned up when they are back in school (which falls far too close to Rosh Hashana to add massive deep cleaning into the routinue, imo). Personally I believe that respect for our home and our things is a value right from the Torah itself. Things should be put in their place. Toys should be returned with all the pieces in tact. And items must be cared for.

The bottom line for me is that when the home is neat and organized, I'm a better parent and a better person and the kids function better. If the home is in disarray, so are our attitudes.

5. Lists: I tend to organize in my head, but I am increasingly finding that physical lists on the wall are key to communicating the expectations and schedules. Investing in the right system of cork boards, whiteboards, markers, dry or wet erase markers, is worthwhile.

Please share your tips for managing your children for those long stretches.

(Link) It Feels So Good: After 22 Years. . . . Financial Freedom

2011-12-13T15:13:00.006-05:00

Before I get back to my previous subject, I don't want my readers to miss a great post at BeyondBT. Michoel writes about Finance Independence and Success in the T'shuvah Process where, after 22 years of support, his family has made it their biggest priority to wean themselves off familial financial support.

In the process of becoming financially independent, they are already experiencing some wonderful side benefits:

**No confusion as to whose dollar is being spent/donated.

**Time belongs to him (better learning).

**Great respect for parents as they see principled, responsible parents (the frugal can and do say no! with conviction and the children are emotionally healthier for it.

The author sums up his post beautifully:

"I had been told in my days in yeshiva, that it was a big z'chus for non-frum relatives to allow them them the pay for your tuition. This was a classic cas of mis-applied-ffb-bt-hyper-religious-gobbly-gook. First build yourself. Then worry about saving the world. And then worry about saving your family. The biggest z'chs for them is to see frum Jews living in a way that will cause them to respect frum Jews. And you might be the only example they have."

Personally, I'm baffled there is any argument on the post. Do we not read (almost) the same birchat hamazon text? Do we not pray that we not be dependent on gifts and loans from flesh and blood? Is the borrower no longer slave to the lender? Are chazal's admonitions no longer applicable?

Better and Worse Ways to Help Adult Children

What To Do When The Money Doesn't Exist?

2011-12-08T23:34:00.004-05:00

Hat Tip: with thanks to a loyal reader

A mother at Imamother writes the following (two excerpts):

I'm supposed to register my second child for school next year and even if after the humiliating questionaires and grilling they agree to give us a break, I wouldn't have enough to pay the school and I have no idea what I am going to do. I am putting off having a third child indefitiely ONLY BECAUSE the cost of tuition is prohibitive. this cannot be what sarah schneirer had in mind. I don't have the guts to put my kids in public school although it grows increasingly tempting. What options are there if the money simply DOESN'T EXIST and there is nowhere to get it from? I am constantly fighting a sense of panic. This issue is controlling our finances, our family planning, our emotional health...this is WRONG! Especially in today's economy, where people need to be happy with whatever job they can get, how does anyone in the frum community pay more than one tuition? who has a spare 10 or 20 or 30,000 a year after living expenses? WHAT DO I DO??

--AND--

[. . . . . . ]I AM getting a tuition break. full tuition would be nearly $7000. But for my next kid the most I can do would be 2500 and the school won't take that. I have a friend with girls in the same school who ligitimatly can't pay because the school she works for is behind in paying her. her kids are getting kicked out. schools are toughening up, and not giving breaks and grace periods like they used to because they are also short on cash. also the exedous from brooklyn to lakwood means fewer young families and fewer kids in the schools. that means fewer tuitions. so they need whatever money they do have coming in and they won't give up on it so easily. Our school got a new tough as nails administraotr and you have to go through a song and dance just to get an appointment with him and even if you do, he has heard the same sob story ten thousand times. the fact is we just can't afford it the same way we can't afford to buy a house and qwe can't afford a new car. we can't afford private school. I looked into homeschooling. I don't think I can pull it off. I don't have the patience or the orginization or the space. I may have to look into it again, but not everyone can be a teacher. even for their own kids.

Additional info: The husband works a "dead end" job, has no degree/vocational certificate and what he makes only covers about half their living expenses. The mother freelances, but hasn't experienced great success.

Wow, this is a really difficult situation with no "good solutions" in the here and now. Reading between the lines, the underemployment on the part of both parents makes the oft suggested individual solutions (moving, aliyah) problematic. It also makes the "obvious" alternative of homeschooling, suggested as it should be, difficult because the parents need to be investing in their own earning potential, skills, etc.

I regard homeschooling/group schooling as one of the most doable alternatives for centrist/modern Orthodox Jews in the upper middle income brackets (esp. where income is earned primarily by one parent). It is one thing for a family staring another 5-digit tuition bill in the face that falls on top of another 5-digit tuition obligation to decide to home school. It is quite another thing for parents who just don't have much disposable cash regardless of where they send their children to school. This is just my opinion, but I think it would be very, very helpful to have some real money to work with if taking the homeschooling route (especially in a world that can be described as hostile to the very idea).

So what are parents like these to do when their well has simply run dry and the schools are not able to accommodate? Are there any practical solutions in the here and now for parents that don't think they can home school?

I always love flexibility and many options. Flexibility seems to be sorely lacking here. It is hard to know just how limited the family's options are or if they are limiting their own options unnecessarily. I do believe that no matter what schooling route they ultimately go in, or regardless of if they grow their family, the parents must invest in their own earning potential. .. from developing a marketable skill set to developing the skills that are keeping them from seeing the possibility in homeschooling.

Ezzie's New Jewish Economic Survey

2011-12-07T10:02:00.002-05:00

Anonymous survey for interested participants. Head on over and read about the newest survey and take it if interested. More posts to follow this week.

PSA: Party City Chanukah Giveaway

2011-11-29T11:07:00.004-05:00

I don't normally do links, but this Party City giveaway package over at the Daily Cheapskate is wonderful and I thought some of my readers might enjoy entering in hopes of winning something nice for a Chanukah party.

The Disconnect

2011-11-27T10:25:00.004-05:00

Rabbi Berel Wein wrote a JPost column this past week called THE DISCONNECT about the widening disconnect between leadership and the vast bulk of the Orthodox population. He points to a few issues and asks the populace to demand more from "those who claim the ability and knowledge to lead us." Quite frankly, I'm not certain which leaders Rabbi Wein thinks the populace should be demanding more from. What I am certain of is that there is a disconnect, especially from crowned leadership (that Americans are increasingly turning to, bypassing the LOR-Local Orthodox Rabbi) and even from the local Rabbinate who aren't particularly subject to the same demands.

There isn't much in the article that I want to blog about from the article, except to point out something that I'm not certain many 'leaders' are willing to admit (perhaps even to themselves? Leadership of some schools will tell people that the tuition burden is mostly shared even though there is much evidence to say that this is not the case). So it is nice to see some confirmation of what many in the populace believe to be true vis a vis tuition:

The tuition rates for attending Jewish schools are rapidly reaching the breaking point. A small percentage of parents – those who pay full or almost full tuition at schools – are subsidizing the rest of the parent body who cannot afford the astronomical amounts that are termed full tuition. But that group of people – those who can and do pay full tuition – is a rapidly diminishing breed. Instead of addressing this problem – the true time bomb that threatens the future of Torah education – we spread our wealth so thin that we are unable to help the situation.

An issue that Jewish Worker blogs about this week demonstrates this vast disconnect is regarding monetary needs/tzedakah and just how vast and broad the need is. Shas is working on a plan to provide life insurance under a group plan to kollel students. A monthly premium would be deducted from their checks to provide for this need. One would think such an idea would be embraced wholeheartedly. But, as per the Israeli Mishpacha, Rav Shteineman has come out against this plan claiming that it is the zechut of tzedaka to widows and orphans is saving the generation from destruction. As Jewish Worker rightfully points out, even where life insurance could take over from tzedakah, there is no shortage of need and suffering in the Chareidi community. Yet the answer to hishtadult is "no", which Jewish Worker points out is an answer of "let them suffer so we can do a mitzvah" because the needs of the community are growing exponentially.

Dr. E over at Cross-Currents, in response to Rabbi Wein's article, notes the following regarding the disconnect. . . and (dan l'chaf zechut), I can only conclude that Universally recognized great Torah minds are simply shielded from the realities of those that they lead, even if their pictures are plastered on proclamations and advertisements for certain tzedaka organizations. The math is staggering:

Focusing on that, how did it become that way? One obvious culprit is a creation called Askanim. Ma rabu maasecha Hashem! These are the gatekeepers and social engineers who are both the diagnosticians of the ills of our community as well as the technicians who deliver the therapy. They know what is best for the masses and exploit the name recognition of great people, filtering information in both directions. Believe it or not, here was a time in history when great Rabbinic luminaries answered their own phones, opened their own mail, read newspaper, and penned their own signatures after carefully reading the paragraphs above it. But, more importantly, they lived in the communities for whom they led, paskened for, and inspired. (It would make a great doctoral dissertation to pinpoint the year and place when the period of the Acharonim transitioned into the era of the Askanim.) While we have some great Poskim with encyclopedic minds covering the breadth and depth of Torah, they are prevented from developing the other main attribute of previous Gedolei Hador, which is “getting it”. As a result, we have a disconnect that spans not only across oceans but also across the street within one’s neighborhood. It is certainly possible to have Kavod Hatorah, while at the same time stipulating that thanks to the Askanim, many of the Torah giants should be seen in more limited roles.

Speaking of the math, following the passing of Rabbi Nosson Finkel zt"l, the Rosh Yeshiva of the Mir, there is a campaign underway to close the $10,000,000 debt (yes, 10 mil) the yeshiva has. As per Jewish Worker, who once again pulls from Mishapcha (English version), for 5 straight months, Rebbes have not been paid, nor have kollel avreichim. Even if the money is raised to pay off this debt, what of the future operating costs? And, unless one believes the tzedakah pocket is unlimited, what of the other institutions for which might ordinarily be recipients of tzedakah? (Divrei Chaim makes this point) While I believe the free market will sort much of this out, I don't think like the idea of collapse, and with this type of debt is seems that something will come crashing down. I think we'd all prefer to see a more natural consolidation. But the numbers just look bleak.

Rafi at Life in Israel is reporting on desperation from selling baby naming rights to the highest bidder to ongoing, long term theft where the culprit was finally caught: an avreich stealing baby formula because he doesn't have what to feed his 5 children. Chazal's words are being brought to life and it is just painful.

Many turn to a popular Rabbi for advice on life issues (I know a number of followers in my own back yard and I believe the following to be quite large). In a column regarding overwhelming wedding expenses, the advice given is "just pray" and leave the 300,000 shekel debt to Hashem.

Avremel, you don’t make weddings, Hashem does!”

“Reb Lazer, that’s either Baal Teshuva talk or Breslever talk. We don’t think like that. We have to raise the money ourselves!”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Here’s a man of 48, born into a Chassidic family; he learned in cheder, in lower yeshiva, in upper yeshiva, and then for another seven years in rabbinical kollel before he had to go to work to pay his bills. It was pitiful to see such a person with beard, long sidecurls, a long coat and Chassidic knickers with black socks living a life completely without Hashem and devoid of emuna.

Avremel had tears in his eyes and his upper lip was quivering. “Where in the world am I going to get 300,000 shekels in 7 months? It’s impossible!”

“Li hakesef ve’li hazahav, ne’um Hashem!” I quoted the Prophet who tells us that Hashem has all the gold and silver. If we need money, we go to Him. “Why not try talking to Hashem?”

Where is the yashrut? How destructive is this type of behavior in families and when entering into shidduchim? Yet here is a platform to speak about yashrut, ~~about hishtadult~~, about being reasonable, and the answer is prayer, and only prayer?

(As one of my valued commentators points out, I am being a bit unfair in my remarks regarding hishtadult. So, I want to clarify the thought. The father is absolutely doing his hishtadult vis a vis effort and work. He is anything lazy holding down more jobs than I ever care to hold down. The effort that I was referring to was not in terms of working more, but in terms of extracting himself from a lifestyle that can simply no longer be maintained and further promises that should not and cannot be made. The point has been reached where this father simply cannot obligate him to pay another bill. The point has been reached where the father must extradite himself from the current situation of supporting growing families. Working yourself to death will eventually leave all those who depend on him in an untenable situation. Hashem does make weddings, but to imply that Hashem will drop 300,000 shekel from the sky--that is approximately $79,000 as per my foreign currency calculator--is not leadership, nor is it a proper way to conduct one's dealings ever! One article I see tells me that average Israeli salary is approximately 95,000 shekel per year. The father is already working more than one job. How is this advice?)

Because I'm out of time, I will deal with another disconnect issue soon.

Authentically American: Minchat Todah Thanksgiving Service

2011-11-24T21:34:00.004-05:00

For those that celebrate Thanksgiving and would like something a little bit different to bring to your table for discussion, please follow this link to the Service for Thanksgiving Day of the historic Congregation Shearith Israel and edited by David De Sola Pool (1945).

At Jewish Ideas daily, there is a small bit of history regarding the embrace of Thanksgiving by the Shearith Israel kehillah (and hazzan Gershom Mendes Seixas, an interesting figure in colonial and early American Jewish history) and some interesting history regarding the Plymouth Colonists and their practices.

Apologies that I'm blog delayed (as usual). We were enjoying an uninterrupted Thanksgiving Day. Hodu L'shem Ki Tov Ki L'Olam Hasdo. Happy Thanksgiving to my readers and a Shabbat Shalom.

Ask Orthonomics: Chanukah Present Dilemna

2011-11-22T13:38:00.005-05:00

Dear Orthonomics:

I wanted yours and your readers advice on a dilemma that came up, regarding chanukah presents.

My grade school age son wanted a very specific and expensive toy for his birthday that was well over our "birthday present" budget. We told him that if he waits for Chanukah, and gives up his present now, we can combine the two presents, plus Chanukah money from his grandparents, to buy the toy. He agreed and did not receive a birthday present.

Now that Chanukah is approaching, I looked for the toy and saw that the store that was selling it went out of business. This is more of a specialty type toy, and costs significantly more online (over 50% more) than it would have in this (now closed) store.

At this point, we are unsure what to do. My son did the right thing and delayed gratification to get what he wanted later. To now not get him the toy might teach him the wrong lesson. We would not normally be willing to "add" the extra funds, as it is a significant amount of money that is much more than we would generally spend on a present. In addition, the "online" price is really too high to spend on any toy (almost $200), even if he will gain years of use.

So I am torn. Should we provide the extra funds to buy the toy? After all, we did offer to buy it based on the price that it was at the time of the offer. What message are we sending by buying such an expensive toy? My son does not have significant funds of his own to contribute (he offered his piggy bank), but should we could take money out of his savings account (which we would normally never do), and replenish it next birthday? I am looking for ideas on what would be the best way to be a good parent, while still not spoiling my child and still teaching him the value of money.

Thanks,

Nephew of Frum Actuary

Dear Nephew of Frum Actuary,

This is a really interesting dilemma and I'm waiting to hear from my readers. Personally, I don't like the idea of spending hundreds on a single toy, for a single child no matter where the money is coming from. That said, you are beyond that point as you have already promised this gift and to your misfortune the store selling the gift is now out of business and you are looking at paying double unexpectedly.

Unless you see that your child is becoming very spoiled through his behavior, I don't think you need to worry as much about one pricey gift being the spoiler. If you practice restraint in your home and your children generally follow suit, I wouldn't get caught that this gift is going to tip the scales.

In life we sometimes have to "eat the cost." Sometimes we quote a price in the course of business only to discover the work is far more than we counted on. Sometimes we tell out kids we will take them someplace thinking the cost is one thing and we discover we really underestimated (when did certain attractions triple in price?). We might not like eating the cost, but when we have given our word, we have given our word. We shouldn't spoil our children, but they should feel secure that when we give our word, we will follow through.

I am assuming that your son is one who understands deferred gratification and a bit about the value of money as he already chose to delay gratification. Before making the purchase, it might be a good idea to revisit the subject and make sure this is what he really wants. Oftentimes, the coveted item is no longer what is desired. If your son has his eye on something else already, you have some wiggle room. If your child still does still have his/her heart set on this toy and the money is there to spend, I'd follow through and "eat the cost".

There is definitely a lesson to be learned here, it just might not be the lesson that you were aiming towards and that sometimes happens.

One more note: I don't believe that a single (or even a few) large purchases or indulgences will ruin a child. I think that sometimes the "small" things that we do (often without noticing) which create a sense of entitlement. Rather than concentrate on the material (and we can spend some time evaluating the material) we should ask ourselves about the overall environment of the home: Are we, the parents, in charge of our home? Are our children overly demanding? Do our children take direction without constant fuss/Is there too much negotiation going on in our home? Do our children take their discipline without threatening, etc? Do I constantly need to cajole the children just to run this home? Oftentimes we realize that something is amiss and our children are acting like spoiled brats and we haven't bought them overpriced toys or otherwise monetarily spoiled them. Hence, I do not worry that a big experience or purchase is what will take a child into spoiled-dom.

I am not of the opinion that money is the root cause of spoiled children, although how we spend on our children can play into creating an overblown sense of entitlement. I can think of just as many children from poorer homes as I can from wealthier homes who are spoiled!

Readers, let's hear from you.

Sincerely,

Orthonomics

Tuition in Israel

2011-11-22T07:47:00.003-05:00

This Arutz Sheva article showed up in my Google Alerts for Yeshiva Tuition today. MK Orlev is setting up a panel to examine why tuition is so high in Israeli Yeshiva high schools. While many here in the US of A speak about how inexpensive tuition is in the state of Israel, tuition in Israel is much lower ($1400 per year per student for commuters and $3200 for schools with dormitories).

Yet, for many Israelis, the tuition is excessive, especially with multiple children. Parents want transparency and cost cutting measures. The committee would investigate budgets and see if they are getting all of their government funds.

I'd like to hear from my Israeli readers regarding this article and whether the calls to do something regarding tuition are widespread and what those who can't meet the costs do in the present.

Beware of Car Warranty Scam

2011-11-21T20:52:00.004-05:00

Late last week, I've received two rather official looking notices. Notice #1 mailed from St. Louis, MO from "Vehicle Protection of America Automobile Coverage Headquarters". The company knew year, make, and model of our vehicle and had a lot of official looking prints. It mentioned that our "factory warranty is expiring or has expired, based on year and mileage" and offered to extend coverage. At the bottom of the notice there was an official looking seal from American Consumer Council saying Consumer Aware Winner 2011-2012.

Given that we never had a factory warranty (we bought a used vehicle and purchase a warranty that has not expired), I thought the notice strange, but possibly mistaken. I put it in a pile of things I need to follow up on. I figured that I would call the company that provides our car warranty to see what was happening.

I had not yet figured out I was looking at a scam, and I'm fairly good at sniffing out a scam. One thing I always, always recommend when you receive a notice, either via snail mail or email: do not respond directly to the notice (and never though an email link), but call the company that you deal with directly. In this case, I would pull my warranty and call the company with my name and account number, not respond to the notice.

Today, another notice marked "2nd Attempt came", only days apart. This one from a company "CarSafe", also bulk mailed from St. Louis, MO. This notice was a bit different. It also looked official. The format was nearly undistiguishable. The codes, however, had different names and numbers. The "Urgent and Time Sensitive" "2nd Attempt" notice from CarSafe, the second company, offered a Platinum plan. Vehicle Protection of America offered a Gold Coverage Offer.

Each notice had a second phone number. The CarSafe notice I quickly flagged as a scam as it requested "Please have your mileage and VIN # ready so we may better assist you."

A search of Vehicle Protection of America" and "scam" didn't turn up anything useful. A search of "CarSafe" and "scam" turned up results. As per this Washington Post column, St. Louis is home to car warranty scams and 10 companies are being sued by the state AG.

Be warned and for those who have family and neighbors, particularly elderly family and friends, make sure they are forewarned. I have a good eye for scams and this one has a nice costume.

One last clue that something is terribly wrong: My name was misspelled and I am not the primary name on our auto, my husband is. If they were working with the manufacturer or our warranty company, they wouldn't be sending me mail.

You'll Throw Them a Pumpkin Pie?

2011-11-16T17:00:00.003-05:00

Hat Tip:

Simply unbelievable (see full article at Asbury Park Press).

While in the past, private schools waived their right to busing on Thanksgiving, this year that is not the case. From the comments everywhere (and a TLS poll), the majority believe bus drivers should have the day off, although there are plenty of comments from bnei rachamin that are anything but such as they should just be happy to have a job, etc, etc. There is something to be said for reasonable accommodation. It increases morale and creates an environment of mutual respect, something I'd certainly want when I'm placing my child under someone else's care. Additionally, if you stand for families spending time together, this is the day! This is penny-wise and pound foolish ans as many comments point out, if everyone were to act on strict law, bus drivers could refuse to make many accommodations that they make out of kindness. Additionally, local employers might act accordingly and not make accommodations they make for Jewish employees.

But Lakewood Vaad spokesman went on record saying the law is the law and "In the Jewish school system, every day is precious for education. [Thanksgiving is] a wonderful holiday, but there are still (18,000) kids who need to get home." Furthermore he states that with the growth and population of schools, carpooling is not a safe option. Disingenuous? I think so. Unless Lakewood calendars are significantly different than those of the rest of the Orthodox world, I dare say that in addition to yom tov, there plenty of days off. . . . just not Thanksgiving, mind you. And, do Lakewood parents not drive on Sunday?

Next time, Weisberg states, there should be a financial incentive (something I'm certain taxpayers won't be happy about). But this time, the attorney for the township's Board of Education says he will personally buy pumpkin pie or dessert for all drivers at his expense. Do those who speak hear their own voices? I'm sure the bus drivers can buy their own Mrs. Smith's pumpkin pie! What a chutzpah. It comes off as arrogant and insulting, adding insult to injury.

As per this article, it looks like we will see a repeat on Christmas and that the Igud HaMosdos is the body with the power to release the drivers from their duties as NJ law requires busing according to the calendars set by the schools.

Just in, as I go to publish, some schools are declining their right for busing. Hopefully more will follow. I'd suggestnot waiting too long. People need to make their plans.

No, no, no, and no. . . Investing Like You are Poor

2011-11-12T23:19:00.004-05:00

In some financial article I have somewhere for the blog, a writer made a very insightful comment which I am paraphrasing about too many people in our communities are investing like they have just stepped off the boat, even though their relative financial comfort should call for a more conservative approach. Yet they are investing recklessly, make it or break it style. It was one thing for our grandparents to put what little they had into a single basket. The worst that could happen: they'd be left with nothing in their pocket. But where they are on the financial spectrum, that type of investing is simply inappropriate. They are simply taking on too much risk, and in the process they often end up loosing more financial footing trying to 'get rich' when normative investing would be more suited.

A team that is mid-game and keeping the score close (i.e., they have a reasonably comfortable life an some good years ahead of them) simply should not be throwing their football into a disorganized, crowded end zone. But, it is happening far too often and I've seen more than enough shares at our favorite frum women's forum to know that this issue is prevalent and relevant.

In this imamother thread a wife brings her concern to the chat room (a bigger issue is that the husband isn't listening to the wife and they aren't a team as he plans to enter into a passive income activity that isn't really passive and is sure to involve her even though he probably doesn't even realize that between sips of kool-aid). She is rightfully concerned about her husband's plan for an inheritance. He heard from a relative about a lady who buys homes in other states, rents them out providing income, and then sells them a few years later.

Ah, investing in a cash-guzzling non-liquid asset with inheritance money, sight unseen, in a state you don't live in because you heard a tip from a relative. Screams bad idea!

I don't want to talk too much about real estate investing and get side-tracked, but I would recommend a first time investor create a situation of maximum flexibility: flexibility in the family budget to cover shortfall/losses, flexibility on the time frame, flexibility regarding property management or self-management.

When people who lack funds run into money (be it an inheritance, a platinum album, the lottery), they often act out of emotion. Below are some questions that I recommend those who run into money to consider. Readers are free to add their own questions.

1. Is our own personal financial situation under control?

2. Have we invested in our own income earning potential?

3. Are we investing in the future income earning potential of our children?

4. What are our predictable future financial needs and what level of liquidity do we need?

5. What level of risk is appropriate for our family?

6. What level of involvement in an investment works for our family?

7. What type of industries/investments interest us?

Especially for non-passive investments (and I'm not talking about passive from a tax perspective):

8. What will it cost to maintain this investment? What are the risks?

9. Do we currently have the relevant skills, experience, and support needed to make this work?

10. Are we on the same page regarding our investment(s) and can our family manage this considering all other needs?

While no one really wants their money sitting around losing money to inflation, there is absolutely nothing wrong with letting your money sit while you explore your get on the same page.

NASI: Is Someone Reading This Blog? and Continued Commentary

2011-11-10T23:07:00.003-05:00

While I am not supportive of NASI's newest project for a myriad of reasons, including one which I will discuss below, I have to say I was a bit surprised to see the recent announcement at 5TJT's regarding internal controls and other things. It will be impossible to convince me that NASI will create an "airtight" financial system. There simply is no such thing. But I guess the sales pitch is similar to selling a girl on the market: they are all aaaaamazing! That said, requiring two signatures, only one of which will be a Rosh Yeshiva's signature, is a step in the right direction. I also see NASI has announced that no money from the new program will be used for the debt of the old program. It is almost like someone is reading this blog.

Let's cut to come other commentary in no particular order:

NASI continues to say that if it doesn't work, we are back where we started. This type of thinking is a fallacy. Taking $5,000 - $13,000 out of the bank accounts of families and young women from coast-to-coast surely comes with an opportunity cost, does it not? The time invested alone into the project means other ideas can't be pursued.

NASI is building this program on their belief that the "age gap" needs closed in order for Orthodox Jewish females to marry. They have a tremendous investment in this theory and their (throw-money-at-it) is tied to this singular issue. As I read the newest press release, I can't help but be concerned that they will declare the program a success, which leads to an tremendous communal opportunity cost.

In fact, NASI is already talking about involving communal funds should the program prove to be a success to create "parity between the haves and the have-nots." Creating parity, mind you, isn't a Tu B'Av initiative of wealthier single ladies lending their clothing to poorer single ladies to even the playing field. It involves MONEY. . . . . communal money. . . money that could be used to help fund K-12 yeshiva education. . . .money that could be used to help sick people. . . money that could be used for job programs/education. NASI asks, "Can there be a bigger communal chesed than having identified the price/cost that it takes to get a girl married? And remember, these communal funds will only get used once the girl(s) walks down the aisle."

Making marriage even more expensive and taking even more money out of the tzedakah pot is hardly a "chessed" in my book.

Over at YWN Coffee Room, someone sold on the NASI programwrites:

To everyone what is every bodys problem with NASI .If they set it up right and the money is protected ,show me 1 girl that gets engaged thru them that wont be happy.Trust me i am a shadchan when amotherof a 29 year old girl calls me ,i feel terrible because parents are burned out ,they heard almost every name ever created and the parents dont know at this point what their daughter is looking for.The same problem is with the boys.So please respect this org. and give them a chance to prove themselves to us that they mean buisness and chesed for older girls and telling us shadchanim to work on the older girls and not look for the easy way out.

This is sure to come out the wrong way (and, by no means to I believe that every 29 year old without a spouse has a "problem" at all), but the above is precisely why I think the throw-money-at-shadchanim solution is so faulty. The shadchan above mentions that there are older singles who have heard every name in the book. Some of these singles have even been out on dates with over 100 singles, none which have meant their fancy. Like I mentioned above, for each decision made, there is an opportunity cost. NASI is promoting a throw-money-at-shadchanim solution. But, if singles --or their Mommy/Daddy--have some (dare I say it?) underlying issues (from physical to emotional to employment issues), what good will that money do? There might just be better ways to spend/invest the money and end up under the same chuppah.

Ask Orthonomics: Is This Expense Justified

2011-11-09T18:39:00.005-05:00

I received an interesting inquiry which I will present (abbreviated below)

Dear Orthonomics,

We are a family of six living in Israel with a monthly, post tax and post pension/savings plan income of approximately 16,000 NIS, (as per my exchange calculator approx $4300) give or take. Monthly expenses range between 17,500 and 19500 NIS I am in school and he works in the HiTech field. Prior to returning to school, monthly expenses were between 500 and 1000 NIS below our income . Our mortgage is our only debt and we pay approximately 3500 NIS per month.

Our children are in private school and the youngest is in private daycare. Returning to school has entailed additional childcare expenses. We don't have some of the more common luxuries, nor do we return to chutz l'aretz. Our grocery bill is relatively high, varying between 5000 and 6500 NIS/month.

Regarding savings, we have several hundred thousand NIS in savings and other investments. Half are in low risk investments. We draw several thousand NIS from liquid investments to cover the shortfall while I am in school. After graduation, we hope to add another 6000 NIS post tax to household income.

Now that I'm entering a more professional environment, I would like to put together a better wardrobe. I have one custom $1000 sheitel that is 10 years old, snoods, and scarves (my normal covering). I'm interested in purchasing a new sheitel and I have my eye on a 5300 NIS sheitel. I expect to enjoy it for 10 years.

My husband has concerns as to whether one wig will last so long and thinks in light of the current financial situation unnecessary expenses should be avoided. Our clothing budget for the past 12 months is approximately 7500 NIS, mostly children's clothing and good special sized shoes.

My question: is a 5300 NIS wig purchased for "mental health" justified.

Dear Readers,

Thank you for a writing. I can understand your dilemna as you begin to enter the working world. The situation in short is that you are currently drawing around $2500 a year on $26,000 of savings while you complete school. Your situation is not long term, nor untenable, especially as you continue to contribute to mandatory pensions.

It seems to me that buying a $1400 sheitel won't make or break the bank and there is something to be said for looking and feeling great while you are on display during clinical work. However, I tend to agree with the sentiment that it is best to hold off on unnecessary purchases, especially because you don't know what the future will bring post-graduation. The unknown is scary.

My suggestion, when faced with a luxury purchase that you really, really want is to seek alternatives. Perhaps there is someone selling a hardly used sheitel (happens all the time here) and you can score something wonderful for $500 or less. Perhaps there is a sheitel gemach and you can trade in your old sheitel for one in nice condition.

Since this is an area of contention, I think the default is to hold off the purchase and seek an alternative that works for both of you. I'm a big believer in coming to a solution that both husband and wife are comfortable with. I'd work to seek an alternative that fulfills the mental need in a way that is much less expensive (I do understand the need to sometimes have a wardrobe 'face lift'. And, you can even work to cut back an expense here or there to help cover the cost of the new-to-you sheitel, even though you are already frugal.

Sincerely,

Orthonomics

NASI: 5TJT publishes response--20 girls enrolled

2011-11-04T11:00:00.002-04:00

In "First Class Singles" the editor of the 5TJT publishes a response from Rabbi Moshe Pogrow as well as his own editorial/commentary/free advertising (?). The editor should be called out on the carpet for publishing the rather edited response instead of the originally released drivel and diatribe. What a farce! A response was released that reflected just what the buyer might be getting themselves into and what type of people the buyer would be dealing with, and it gets cleaned up for newspaper publication in a day!

Three important differences I quickly noted, among other:

1) The line "beg, borrow, cheat, or steal" is GONE, replaced by "beg, borrow, or do whatever it takes"

2) The tone is more somewhat more gentle, less accusatory/blaming although a healthy dose remains. E.g. this line is gone: "It isn't only my fault that we as a community have utterly and totally failed these young women."

There is not asking a single hard hitting question asked and answered by the newspaper. Basically it is free publicity courtesy a publication that has some freedom of press, or at least more than the Yated or other publications. I'd say "kid gloves" defines the article, ~~but I think my kids ask harder hitting questions than what we've got here~~.

Please don't think this post has replaced previous posts. In fact, see the previous post also (super important re: track record). As per the article, 20 are signed up. I don't know if that is emet or sheker, but NASI has found free advertising and I will use my cyberink too.

NASI: "He was Not Asked"

2011-11-04T10:10:00.005-04:00

AZ back of the the coffee room asked about the Rabbinic endorsement (of the statement they endorse it, but they must work behind the scenes):

"Feel free to call Rav Shmuel Shlit”a:

Please note: He was NOT asked regarding this specific program and unless he reads the yated/hamodia etc most probably doesn’t even know about this specific program.

He is well aware who is guiding the project on a day to day basis “who is the “daas torah” behind it” and Rav Shmuel holds that person in great esteem and greatly values their judgment."

Pure Sheker. But at least the honest truth is coming through.

P.S. To those people who are going on the board saying that NASI is l'shem shamayim, I want you to understand that this is an attack on an idea, not a person and this attack is also in the name of heaven.

NASI: It just gets worse

2011-11-04T00:54:00.006-04:00

AZ in the coffee room is the NASI representative. Below is a reponse which MUST be publicized before anyone takes $5000 or $13,000 to throw money at their singleness or their daughter's singleness. In a response which I believe I understand (the writing is still horrific), he states that yes in fact there are outstanding claims and furthermore that newly raised money can/will be/could be used for 1) Programming and 2) to pay outstanding claims back because in the original throw-money-at-it solution (from here on out NASI Round 1.

In other words, we have what I consider an open admission of a Ponzi program. There are strong defenders out there, but this is simply indefensible and even if "we" have to continue to say something for the sake of Emes. There are strong defenders of this near anonymous program and those who yell "what are you doing? as if a doing something is the be all and end all." Well, sometimes doing nothing is the best course of action. This social re-engineering and throw-money-at-it solutions are only going to drain needed resources and they won't strengthen the family or marriage. I don't like to waste my breathe, but I do believe that if you speak the truth, it eventually penetrates somewhere.

AZ's comments on NASI Round 1: (emphasis mine)

From NASI

re; the first program from a few years ago

The program when launched was subject to funds availability. That point aside, well over 125,000 was given out to shadchanim who made such shidduchim. That money was rasied by one individual . The program was B”H so successful tht we realized it couldn’t last forever. A decision was made to set a date for a few months in the future, after which we wouldn’t accept any new claims. Unfortanetly, what happened was that girls and boys families took advantage. When a qualifying shidduch got engaged, instead of giving standard shadchanus to the Shadchan, they gave 360 and said go to NASI they will give you. This was 1. Totally wrong as that wasn’t the intention of the program 2. Being that we were falling behind with raising the money, the shadchanim, were actually getting stiffed, not from parents and not from NASI. As such the program was stopped abruptly to all new claims.

At present all outstanding claims are still on file, if when we had the money we wuld pay it out. If we raise 2,000 tehn we have a decision to make, should we give to 2 of the outstanding claim, or should we do something like the BMG mailing which has been very effective in changing boys attitudes towards girls there own age or older. The R”Y advising the program have told us to keep our eye on the mission. If we come up with a lump sum (10k or something) we use some for present programs and pay back outstanding claims. If we don’t have that money we simply can’t pay. In the last few years in case you’ve noticed the economy isn’t great and fundraising hasn’t exactly been easy.

Yesterday a woman called with similar "taynos". After a brief discussion she had a much better understanding. She then suggested why didn’t we write a letter to all those people explain what I just wrote. And she is 1000% correct. Unfourtanetly we simply don’t have the manpower. I wish and beg that we had more people. This isn’t my day job, nor is it the day job of anyone (one other person) involved in the running (of the program). When I offered to send her the list and allow her to send out the letters in our name she politely declined. I’d make the same offer to any of you.

NASI Response to Those Who Question: Beg, Borrow, Cheat, or Steal,

2011-11-02T05:00:00.001-04:00

For those looking forward to more bread and butter posts, please be patient. I'm a one trick pony this week and we are focusing on the train wreck at hand. See previous two NASI posts.

(Hat Tip: another fantastic reader) This letter is the response from the NASI director, Moshe Pogrow, that is being sent to those who have attempted to engage in conversation regarding their newest tactic and ad. NASI has moved from "proven" theories of an age gap to a recent advertisement and program that some believe threatens to inflate the market rate of "shadchanus."

This poorly written, mostly unintelligible, rambling letter is published below without comment. I will briefly state, however, that when I got to the line "beg, borrow, cheat, or steal" that just about summed up the entire farce for me. Sadly, the level of communication and clarity of thought leaves much commentary, little of it positive. Please be careful to keep comments civil and avoid:light-headedness". I simply have little to say except all who have bought into any of the "proven" theories and are acting accordingly should, after reading this, rethink all. Without further ado, the response in the original.

In the last few days feedback has been across the spectrum (as we knew it would be) and every single unhappy person one who has bothered to call and discuss it has left with a great appreciation and understanding as well as answers to all their questions and a 180 degree shift in the attitude towards the project. See the letter “before and after” for one just such example.

In addition, a key reason why the NASI Project has been so successful is because we know that no one has all the answers. Everything we have done has been based on myriads of insight from across the spectrum. At the same we cherish and value feedback from anyone and everyone. Every program is consistently, tweaked, adjusted and we attempt to constantly improve to accomplish maximum results. We appreciate look for everyone’s input.

That being said I realize that it isn’t realistic to speak to each and everyone on the phone, and thus I reluctantly will pen this letter. It is crucial theit be read in its entirety (although it is lengthy). In it we will deal will all the issue raised in this specific letter as well as all the issue others have raised as well.

In order to understand this program in particular we need to understand the big picture. We can then explain each and every detail of this program up to and including why (as it seems shortsighted) we have consistently decided to not put the names of the “Daas Torah” in writing.

1. Let’s being with a scientific definition of the shidduch crisis.

The number of non chassidishe orthodox young women who have been dating 5-10 years exceeds the number of non chassidishe orthodox young men who have been dating 5-10 years, BY HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS IF NOT THOUSANDS. Allow that to sink in. In other words, after a certain number of dating years, the number of available young women exceeds the available pool of young men. If I need to spell it out further, unless a situation develops that 23 year old boys suddenly look to date 32 year old young women, there are simply not enough young men for the young women past a certain age.

This is a tragedy of epic proportions with colossal ramifications.

(Allow a disclaimer. Because the last thing I want to do is hurt any young woman. For each individual young woman there are some opportunities, but bderech hateva there are a staggering number of young women who will suffer the tragedy of not getting married. I wish it wasn’t so and I certainly don’t want to write this, but we can pretend all we want this is the tragic reality.)

2. What is the undeniable root cause of this travesty?

The short answer is Age Gap. This has been acknowledged by a historic letter from 70 Roshei Yeshiva.

Every single person in Klal Yisroel is collectively and individually responsible for allowing this terrible situation to develop. Hashem did NOT cause this, he simply allowed us as a community to be blind to the results of our actions and we have thus CREATED and are RESPONSIBLE for the tragic situation.

I would hope by now that this concept which has been explained in this very forum numerous times is understood by all. If we have a island and place 100 boys and 100 girls on the island. At the end of the year it is simply impossible for there to be more single girls than boys, IMPOSSIBLE. If on that island we place 150 young women and 100 young men, than there will undoubtedly be a minimum of 50 young women who don’t get married. Even if all 150 has everything “going for them” with all the silly things we give importance to in shidduchim, there will still be 50 who can’t get married. Even if all 100 young men had no interest other than getting married to a nice young woman without any other criteria, there are 50 young women who can’t get married.

In the non chassidshe community, instead of it being 100 to 100 is it the situation of 100 to 150 (this is illustrative only, it is closer to 2,000 young men, and 22,00 young women). Approximately 200 young women have no realistic marriage opportunity. Not at 19 and not at 35.

The reason is simply because we have a structure where the young women enter Shidduch Island at approximately 19 and the young men at approximately 22.5. Being that B”H our population is continuously growing rapidly the younger age groups (by both boys and girls) are consistently larger than the older age groups. Song as young women get their passport to the island and 19 and young men only get it at 22.5 we continue to have each and every a large number of more girls starting to date than boys. The next year

the same thing occurs, and the next year as well. Thus even if every single boys gets married to a girl, there will be 200 girls each year (or 300 from one year and 100 from the other year) who simply can’t get married. Fast forward 10 years and we have the tragedy we are experiencing.

3. The Solution:

B’direch Hateva, the only way to alleviate the problem going forward it to close the Age Gap. This has and continues to be the sole foucs of the NASI Project. To alleviate the shidduch crisis by closing the Age Gap. For the last four years no stone has been left unturned in trying to make this happen.

This is accomplished by

a. Educating the community as to the core problem because without this absolutely no significant progress or change could be accomplished.

(Great strides have been made)

b. Breaking the stigma that previously existed against doing a shidduch with a young woman the same age or even a bit older.

Wonderful progress has been made as attested to by shadchhanim, mothers of boys, mothers of girls and girls themselves)

c. Figuring out way to encourage boys to begin dating slightly younger.

See a bit later in the article where I will come back to this. Herein lays the real yeshua.

d. Encouraging shadchanim to keep ages in mind when redding shidduchim

e. Encouraging shadchanim to focus on the girls who didn’t just start dating instead of spending almost all the energies on 19/20 year olds.

If/when shadchanim focus on young women who didn’t just start dating inevitable more close in age shidduchim will take place. If a 23 your old boy is redd to fifteen different 19 year old and two different 22 year olds, in all likelihood he will end up marrying a 19 year old. If a
23 year old boy is redd to fifteen, 22 year olds and two 19 year olds in all likelihood he will end up marrying a 22 year old.

Let’s now focus on point E/F. A year ago March a extremely effective program was launched in Montreal. It has now spread to Toronto, Chicago, Kew Gardens, Prospect Park HS, Machon (for the graduating class of 2004, and 50 Shuls in Flatbush/Five Towns and Far Rockaway. It will imy”h be coming to Monsey and Lakewood in the near future.

When it was initially launched it met with great resistance. The concept is that Shadchanim don’t make shidduchim. That the Ribbono Shelo Olam does. Shadchanim set up dates. Enough quality dates for girls who didn’t just start dating and bderech hateva they’ll get married.

The program is simply, is a Shadchan set up a young woman (above a certain age) on date #1 then in appreciation of the time and effort that is required to and goes into redding shidduchim Shadchan receives S 100. If it’s a quality idea the Shadchan receives $400. This money does not come from the parents, they don’t even know about the program.

The initial resistance was huge, and yet B”H the results of the program has been fantastic. With a tremendous amount of shidduch attention as measured by dates gone out, date number $ gone out (and yes engagements as well although that is a poor measuring stick because that is out of the hands of a shadchan. Quality attention is what we are after.

Let’ now discuss the present program.

Let’s imagine that Eliyahu Hanavi came to town and told a 22-year-old young woman that you if you help this poor person pay his medical bills by giving 5,000k I GUARNATEE you will be married by chanuka.

What would the 22-year-old young woman do?

Suppose he said that any 30-year-old-girl who donates 11,000, would be married by Chanuka. What would a 30-year-old, young woman do?

You know and I know that every SINGLE young woman would beg, borrow, cheat or steal but she would give Eliyhu Hanavi the money...

NASI isn’t Eliyahu Hanavi. We don't promise a weeding, we don't promise a date, we don't even promise a phone call. All we say is that not a penny of your money will be spent until after you walk down the chuppah.

If you would give it to Eliyahu Hanavi then obviously

A). A young woman girl feels it’s worth that amount

B). A young woman could come up with it.

What is the risk a .025 percent interest on a savings account?

A girl could try it for a month. If nothing happens take it back. If she gets married we all agree it will be well worth it.

Now let’s deal with some specific FAQ about the program

Q: Why does it go higher each year? It’s degrading insensitive and thoughtless to let a young woman know each year she gets older it costs more.

Q: Why does it start at 22? It’s so insensitive to make the 22 years-olds to feel like they are “older” or nebach cases.

Let’s imaging the program was for all young women 25+ the shadchanus is 5,000. Nice idea. Shadchanim will tell you that generally speaking the work involved in helping to bring a 35 young woman to the chuppah is exponentially more difficult (for myriads of reasons, one significant reason is as we discussed earlier the continuously diminishing pool of boys). If the compensation was the same for a 25 year old young woman as it is for a 35 year old young woman, then many many people would choose to put their kochso into a 25 year old young woman. The exact people who are upset about part of the program, are precisely the ones who will helped by it, no one else.

Let’s explain why it absolutely must start at 22. It’s not because they are Nebach’s. The vast majority of shadchanim (both fully time/part time and everything in between) probably well over 80% barely spend any time on the young women 25 and up. This is because the the larger pool of dating young men

are 22-24. The shadchanim spend their time on compatible matches for boys in that age range. As a result of a program for 25 and up there will certainly be more attention piad to those young women, but the vast majority of attention will still be focused on the young men 22-24.

Are the shadchanim going to redd those boys to 19 year old young women or to 22 year olds. The answer to this question will determine whether today’s 22 year old young women get married or whether today’s 22 year old young women become tomorrow’s 32/42 single young women.

If this program started only at 25 then shadchanim will continue to redd the 19 and 20 year olds to the larger pool of dating boys. By starting the program at 22 there is NO doubt that the tremendous group of 22 year old young women will NOT become 42 and single

We MUST start at 22 precisely because we want to do everything in our power to make sure that today’s 22 year olds do NOT become tomorrow’s 32 year olds.

Q: What about the girls who can’t afford.

As I showed earlier, for Eliyahu Hanavi they would come up with the money. What’s the risk? However and far more important is that this is a opportunity for poor young women to get the attention that previously only the wealthier did. Now a young woman who is not from a wealthy family has the change to get quality attention from 150 shadchanim across the country with NO RISK to her.

Q: Why are the dollar amounts so high

If there is significant added shidduch attention for the young women on the list, could that have been achieved for 3k instead of 5k. Frankly that's a minor question in the big picture. Certainly something that maybe should be adjusted if necessary but not a deal breaker. Basically, if a young woman gets married and pays 5k and maybe she could've gotten married and paid 3k.... Nu nu.... If a 30 year old gets married and spends 13k and could've gotten the same attention for 10k.... Nu nu

If the program doesn't help in any significant way then it will disappear, go the way of the horse and buggy and be forgotten very quickly.

Q: The feeling people have is their being blacklisted if they don't participate and no one will help anyone not joining

If 50 girls join the list. Do you really think every other girl will be blacklisted? If 150 girls join the list do you really think other girls will be blacklisted. It would be awfully hard to redd shidduchim to the 2,000 dating young men, if only 150 girls get dates....

If 2,000 girls join the list will the other girls be blacklisted? Maybe.

Remember, the only way 2,000 young women join (and stay in the list) is if it's so wildly successful and young women are getting married left and right. In that case, I think it's kedai to beg borrow or steal (a phrase a mother used) to get your daughter married.

Only time will tell if it works or not. If it works (meaning girls join and girls get married) then it's all good. If it doesn't, meaning either girls don't join, or they join and don't get married, then no harm no foul. No one spent any money other than NASI on some ads.

Before I answer the final question regarding the names of the Rabbinic supporters, I word regarding shadhcanim is critical.

This whole article and perhaps the program itself has the potential to paint shadcahnim as heartless money hungry ruthless mercenaries. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Allow me to explain.

In speaking to people I’ve asked them how many shidduchim do they think a typical very very busy Shadchan make each year. Peoples response where very telling 50 a year. 300 shidduchim a year.

It is totally out of touch with reality. The typical very very busy Shadchan makes 6 or 7 a year. To make 6/7 a year means that the Shadchan has forfeited their family life, they have zero menucha, can’t go to weddings without being bombarded, they can’t do homework with their children, they are called and besieged at all hours of the day and night and people are upset at them. Why they don’t call back etc. For a typical shidduch a shachan receives total from both sides together between 2,000 and 3,000 dollars. 6/7 shidduchim equals a whopping grand total of a whopping 12,000 to 21,000 a year. (and many many times the Shadchan receives far less. It is on RARE occasions that they receive more).

There are three kinds of full time shadchnim

1. Those who are so prolific that they actually make a parnassah sufficient to basically support their family with it. There are perhaps 4 such people in the country. They make 23 a year, they may be hired by cities, there may be some people who “hire them privately” and with everything together they put together a parnassah to pay their tuition (barely) grocery etc.

2. People (usually women) whose husbands make a good enough parnassah to enable to spend their time as they wish. Some women are good souls and instead of spending their time shopping etc, they have dedicated their lives to try their utmost to help make shidduchim. We can well understand the the number of woman who nowadays are not called on to help support the family is very very small. (and of those who could, what would motivate a regular person to chose for themselves the lives I’ve depicted.)

3. People who are either insane or simly saints. Their families really need their parnassha, they don’t earn a parnsaah from shidduchim. Yet they are cut from a different cloth then they rest of us and they do it anyway. It would be great if we could clone these people but realistically the nuber of people like this you can count on one hand. (subliminally we as a community expect everyone who redds a shidduch to be such a person. They are supposed to be available all times day and night etc. we think somehow by virtue of someone trying to redd shidduchim a little bit, they automatically become obligated to take on the role of a saint. Clearly this is simply unrealistic and unfair and simply a result of UNDERSTANDABLE pain and frustration on the part of the singles, but it won’t changes the reality.

Now we wonder: Why don’t we have more people redding shidduchim. Why don’t we have more people who are redding shidduchim they should redd shidduchim to the slightly older, young women.

Is the answer obvious now? Who can afford the time it takes to dedicate hour and hours to redd shidduchim in general. Bringing a 30 year old young woman to a chuppah it immeasurable more work than making a shidduch for a 20 year old. For the time and effort shadchanim are putting in the would like to at least she nachas. Forget the 2/3 thousand dollars. They would at least like to she a shidduch happen. Isn’t it clear why we have so few people who dedicated their time to this? Why the VAST MAJORITY of those who do try of course are severely limited in the amount of time they can spend as the need to work to help support their own families!

This program is an effective way of achieving two separate goals.

1. Going forward it can effectively continue to close the age gap and thus we will not be in the same devastating situation we ate today.

2. For the young women today who already past a certain age at which they are now in a precarious situation. This can give them the opportunity to get as much and as vast shidduch attention which will afford them the greatest possible opportunity of walking down the aisle.

Finally: Why aren’t the Rabbinic supporters named in the any of the NASI ads

The true and short answer is because I was specifically told not to. I will offer you a glimpse into part of the reasoning behind that directive, although as will be self is evident there is a risk in what I am writing.

Far greater than any of these programs that are in the public eye is the work behind the scenes that has the ability to practically totally solve the crisis going forward. There is a plan on the table that if/when implemented will bdirech hateva save/protect close to 1,000 girls over the next 8 years. This plan needs to be implemented by the Roshi Hayeshiva and Rabbonim only. Perhaps Askanim can get involved to help move it along. It calls for a minimal structural change with almost no downside that will bring with it many side benefits in addition to saving 1,000 girls. The “Daas Torah” if you may, feels they have a much greater chance of effecting that change if their involvement is behind the scenes.

Unfortunately, change is hard to come by and thus it is a process that is taking far to long and the victims of this inexcusable situation are the precious Bnos Yisroel

Rav Shmuel Kametzky Shlit”a and many many well respected and well known Roshei Yeshiva and Rabbonim know who is the guiding force of the program and under whose guidance everything takes place. Feel free to ask them. It isn’t only my fault that we as a community have utterly and totally failed these young women.

Over the last two years we as a community have collectively expended inordinate amount of time energy and resources on all kinds of wonderful and important issues. R’ Shalom Mordechai Rubashkin, the boys in Japan and others. There is no doubt that the lives of 1,000 of our precious bnos Yisroel, is far far more urgent than any of these programs.

In addition, WE CAUSED THE TRAGEDY, WE ARE RESPONSIBLE. Yet day after day they and their families continue to suffer in silence. Where is the kinus demanding that these changes be implemented? Where are the articles, WHERE IS THE COMMUNITY.

And therefore, if the best chance to hopefully/ maybe bring to fruition such change (and other ideas) and save 1,000 of our precious daughters and sisters requires that the NASI Project is accused of hiding behind the cloak of anonymity. It’s well worth it.

After 120 year we want to be able say yadeinu lo shafchu es hadam hazheh.

I hope that those who read this article in it’s entirety and take the time to understand it, will then have a better understanding and have answers to their questions. I wish I could explain it in person to every single person, but I realize it is simply not feasible.

Hachosem b’dema, but with hope and knowledge that the yeshua is very attainable.

Moshe Pogrow

Director

NASI Project

NASI Ad: "Game Changing Shidduch Program"

2011-10-30T23:54:00.005-04:00

The original NASI ad was located by a reader and is available at the 5TJT. Ad guarantees that every $ is guaranteed and anytime she wants her money back, she will get it back.

Ironies of ironies, there isn't a single NAME attached to the NASI ad, nor the name of a single Rosh Yeshiva, but there is a guarantee that the program will be operated with great transparency, oversight, and audit to instill confidence in the klal.

Furthermore, "all disperement checks of monies from the program will require the signature of one of the Roshei Yeshiva advertising the program." Well, ladies and gentlemen. . . the internal controls are flawed from the outset. With checks to be made out in the $13,000 range, there should be a minimum of two signatures!

I've already sounded the alarm on the Areivim "life insurance" program. And this looks as just as problematic (the entire concept aside). So here are a few questions:

NASI, whose tax ID number do you operate under? Are you organized as a non-profit, a S-Corp, a sole proprietorship? If you are operating under an existing non-profit, is the 990 available on Guidestar? If you are operating independently, what financials will you be publishing and when? Where are the liabilities held in escrow? What CPA firm has put together your internal control procedures and how will they be continually monitored? Who will perform and publish the audit you refer to? How many Roshei Yeshiva have signing authority over the checking account? Will check signers be involved in any of the book keeping or account reconciliation?

The ad states that the list of young women will only be handed to shadchanim once there are 50 girls. While I think the entire approach is completely flawed and degrading to Jewish singles period, I would highly recommend that until the above questions (and more) are answered, parents/young women should keep their money in an FDIC protected bank account or under a mattress for safekeeping.

The New NASI Shidduch Plan: Throw Money At It

2011-10-28T09:59:00.004-04:00

Quick, someone, enroll "leadership" in a mandatory economics theory course because every single idea that comes out is just downright dangerous as it creates dangerous incentives. These "Game Changing" initiatives are like running radiation on every mole! This is the new North America Shidduch Initiative (NASI) Plan that was advertised in Hamodia, Yated, and 5TJT as per YWN posters. Hat Tip: YWN Coffee Room.

NASI Introduces “Game Changing Shidduch Program”
Looking to further revolutionize their work on behalf of the older singles in our midst, NASI has introduced what they are calling a “game changing shidduch program” to encourage and entice shadchanim to work with girls 22 and older.
The program was unveiled in an ad in today’s Hamodia (D17). Under the program NASI will create a list of girls 22 and older to be distributed to shadchanim across the United States. If shadchanim are to make a shidduch for any girl on the list they are guaranteed a large sum of money for their work.
For girls aged 22 they will receive $5,000; 23-$6,000; 24-$7,000; 26-$9,000; 28-$11,000; and for any girl 30 and older $13,000.
Girls on the list will be given contact information of all shadchanim participating in the program.
To get on the list a girl or her family sends in the exact amount of shadchanus money correlating to her age plus $500 to cover the costs of the program. All money is guaranteed and is available for return upon request at any time.

When a young woman gets married the money will be given to the shadchan immediately after the wedding.
Under the guidance of Roshei Yeshiva and Rabbanim NASI has been working over the past number of years with the sole purpose of trying to have as many older singles in our community get married. Their previous initiatives, a number of which have included monetary incentive, have been met with much success.

So let's talk about the incentives created:

1. Worried parents can push a shidduch quickly because if they wait a few more months, they will be out another few thousand.

2. Shadchanim can hold off suggesting a shidduch until the "girl" is a bit older because the payout will be greater.

3. Parents/"girls" with money will get service while those without the requisite funds can be relegated to the dust bin as volunteer shadchanim are tempted by the $dollars$.

File this under "Throw Money At It Solution". It might "work" for some, but it can change behavior for the worse. I think that a lot of the (quote, unquote) shidduch crisis would be alleviated if people remember that marriage is not an end, but a beginning.

Blaming Bad Finances on the Girls

2011-10-12T12:20:00.005-04:00

I found this comment on imamother which underscores my feeling that the attack against seminary for girls is not actually financial in nature, but is really an attack against Torah education for women.

That said, my DH is acquainted with someone in our community who offers free credit counseling and debt consolidation through a local gemach. He spends up to 20 hours per week helping families figure a way out of credit card debt. Now, I imagined all this credit card debt was a result of everyone running amok at the mall, but DH's friend related something surprising (to me, anyway!). He said that the majority of unmanageable consumer debt owed by families with whom he worked was based on two areas of expenditure: (1) Seminary in Israel for post-high school girls; and (2) Chassunah expenses.

I don't appreciate intellectual dishonesty and this is a prime example.

Never mind that the Orthodox parents have been financing 12 + year of private schooling for both boys and girls. Never mind that a good percentage of young people, especially men (!), don't enter the workplace until their mid-20s with a kid or two behind them. Never mind that long term savings, esp. retirement, is discouraged in favor of and it's-not-a-luxury-any-longer camp. Never mind that many enjoy plenty of luxuries on a regular basis from matching boutique children's clothing to new jewelry in honor of every occasion under the sun to designer strollers. Never mind that a cleaning lady is a regular feature in a a good half of frum households. Never mind over inflated household expenses from store bought prepared food products to flowers. Never mind school pizza lunches.

Nope, the reason for the credit card debt isn't years upon years of over-spending. The reason for the unmanageable debt is those pesky girls going to seminary!

When it is time to get serious about a communal debt problem that menfolk will be addressed and blamed together with the womenfolk.

Brutally Honest

2011-10-11T16:44:00.003-04:00

If you have not seen this interview with Rabbi Schacter of AMI magazine, then you should head on over to VIN and check it out for yourself. I'm absolutely blown away that it was a) spoken and b) published.

I simply don't know enough about Batei Din to even comment or weigh in with an opinion. However, I was just discussing with my husband the fact that when you have a dispute with a frum owned business, e.g., that you are simply stuck between a rock and a hard place. American small claims courts are inexpensive, but you risk your reputation to use them to settle a claim. To take a person who owes you to a Beit Din is costly (or at least that is my impression based on the amount my friend and her former husband paid to have a get written up after all was settled in family court) and the cost is underwritten by the litigants. Rabbi Schacter talks about a million dollar dispute. Those with multi-hundred or a couple thousand in dispute have little choice but to sit it out and hope that they get something someday. And, if they do, they have to wonder if what they get will be taken back in a bankruptcy proceeding. Unfortunately I know of far too many cases where people have not been paid, but they simply have no leverage. And, yes, I'm bitter about it. It destroys the foundation of a trustworthy and honest society!

The New Debit Card Fees

2011-10-11T00:43:00.003-04:00

It made a bit of a splash in the news when Bank of America announced they will soon be charging customers who use their debit cards $5 during each month the card is used. Other banks are considering their own menu of charges. This is what happens when government caps one fee in the free market place: it gets passed on to another payer.

I'm a Bank of America customer (and a rare happy one at that). I also use my debit card before and after hours to make ATM deposits, so I was as concerned as all the rest. It also happens a reader asked me to comment on the story. Turns out I had to pay a regular hours visit to Bank of America because a check wouldn't scan through the ATM and so I gained a bit of in-person clarification. There is something to be said to talking to the people right in the bank. I don't care to reading bank small print.

Here is what I learned: 1. The fee will not apply to ATM transactions, only to debit transactions in the store. 2. The fee will not be charged to relationship customers such as checking account customers who hold their mortgage through Bank of America (which is a lot of people after many Countrywide loans were taken over by Bank of America). 3. There will be a warning to customers shortly, so watch your mailbox.

Those who are considering dumping the debit card should speak to their bank to see what it would take to become a gold/advantage/relationship customer or consider moving their checking into the bank where they can establish such a relationship. If the bank where you have some savings, brokerage, or your mortgage is convenient, it is worth consideration. On my to do list is to find out if I need to close a checking account at another local bank that is rarely used, but useful to have from time to time.

For some, debit card fees will leave them debating between cash or credit. Debit cards combine the benefits of cash and plastic. But with a $5 fee, is it worth it? That is a question each consumer will need to answer for himself or herself. While $5 seems like a lot, if I was choosing between cash/checks and debit, debit would win despite the fee. I can't imagine going back to the days of writing checks in the store (and trying to ignore the annoyed looks behind me while I write the check, have my ID checked, and record the damage). When it takes $50 or $60 to fill the tank of the minivan, do you want to carry cash?

I avoid convenience products like the plague, but plastic is an incredible convenient and a welcome addition. Going to the bank to pull cash out is just another thing that needs to be done. And, as I try to remind myself, each short trip isn't just time but also money. It has been a long time since 99 cent a gallon gas or even $1.50 per gallon gas. Gas isn't a negligible expense at all.

Choosing between debit and credit will be highly dependent on your personal spending habits and organization habits. Generally, if you run a balance or pay late fees from time to time, debit at $5 a month might be worth it.

What about the sole-proprietor and the small business? My recommendation: do yourself the favor and pay the fee if you can't manage with checks. Good records are a must and I've audited enough petty cash drawers to know that when it comes to cash, good records are near impossible to come by.

Creating Efficiency in the Car

2011-10-05T11:15:00.006-04:00

I don't know about you, but I spend a tremendous amount of time in the car. I don't use a cell phone in the car as others do in the name of getting things done and efficiency. When I'm out, I want to be phone-free and computer-free. I much prefer to listen to the radio, talk with my kids and their friends who are along for the ride, and simply concentrate on driving.

This year I've created a "Car Office" and a month into the new school year I am happy to say that it is working well.

What should everyone have in their car office:

A File Cabinet: When Office Depot was running a 100% Worklkife Rewards promotion on plastic file boxes with a nice closed caddy on top, I picked one up to complete my "car office." I immediately hung hanging folders and put in files for things I need to keep organized in the car. I have folders for client errands. I also have folders for each type of coupon circular. I no longer cut coupons I might use because it was no longer efficient for me. I now cut just the coupons I plan to use right there in my car and when the coupons in the circular expire, into the trash bag they go (yes, I should probably have a trash bag and a bag for recycling. There is always room to improve). I have folders for Groupons, Smart Source, Red Plum, Random Stuff, and P&G.

Plastic Bags: These are great for throwing away dirty trash when you are out. They hang nicely on the hooks for garbage bags. Next step: encouraging the kids to use them better. One of my 5 minute tasks I like to go is purge the car every other week of any trash including work they brought home but didn't really value enough to get inside the house. I'm not the most sentimental type. A few art projects can be retained and notebooks that are valuable. The rest can't take space up. . . especially not car space!

Office Supplies: In the caddy at the top of my file cabinet are some office supplies. I keep additional supplies in one compartment in the car. I have a pair of scissors, especially important for last second coupon cutting. I have a few pens. I keep a stack of business cards around. I'd be remiss without a roll of tape and some sticky notes. Keeping office supplies nearby is important for me to function optimally. I used to have an open box which was easy to access, but the kids would "borrow" and I could never find what I needed when I needed it. Plus, it created more cleaning work.

A Binder: My binder fits in the file cabinet nicely. I like to have some paper (contained in the binder) for jotting down thoughts and ideas that come to me and making lists. The binder is great to store things that I use so often that I don't want to play with file folders. Things like a school calendar, a phone list, etc are all in my binder.

Rubbermaid Box: I'm the type of mom that cannot get out the door with a the things I need. A rubbermaid box is my friend. In it I keep things I won't get out the door with but that I should have. The rubbermaid box is a great place to keep some warm blankets for the winter when the kids are freezing and the heat hasn't kicked in yet. It is a great place to keep a change of clothing for kids that might need one. It is a great place to keep a soccer ball, some coloring books, and some small games for when we are stuck on an errand. I probably should add a first aid kit too.

GPS: Goodbye piles of maps and yellow pages. This is an amazing invention! Try 1saleaday.com to nab an inexpensive one. You don't need to pay retail.

Other Nice Things to Have: A few CDs, a tehillim/bencher/siddur, a little extra change, a few toiletries, some plastic silverware and a can opener.

Please share your "car office" tips. I know I'm not the only parent trying to make my carpools the most efficient possible.

Not Everything Should Go on Record

2011-10-03T21:42:00.007-04:00

Hat Tip: VIN

Not everything should be aired out in public. . . especially one's sheitel. Or, at least that is how I felt after reading the NY Post article on pre-Rosh Hashana sheitel styling with upscale Manhattan stylist that runs into the 4 figures, that on top of the 4 figure wig.

While VIN commenters chat away regarding the halachic permission of wigs, esp. larger than life wigs, the prudence of spending this type of money, and the consumption issues, I'm going to steer clear of that and address a different aspect of the article. While I am of the opinion that you can't hide dirty laundry and it is better to admit that there are issues, rather than putting up an often hollow defense, I'd prefer the dirty laundy vis a vis what a minority are spending on their hair (and presumably the rest of the wardrobe . . certainly these wigs aren't topping off clothing from the [insert your favorite discount department store] clearance rack?) be kept hush-hush for the sake of the rest of us.

Being an Orthodox Jewess who regularly applies/interviews for accounts and positions which entail great trust and great potential for abuse, this article is cringe-worthy! Perhaps I'm just paranoid because I had professors that focused on fraud risk factors! But, I've also seen up close and personal what happens when an employee with an all too expensive life to support vis a vis their station losses their bearings. By biting when a reporter wants to write an article on pricey sheitel care, the costly lifestyle that is a rarity becomes the normal in the eye of the beholder (I still haven't forgotten about the other sheitel case of recent memory). I don't blame any newspaper for wanting to do a human interest story like this, but there will be no balance where the frugal, corner cutting, second hand sheitel wearer is subsequently featured.

Therefore, the interviewer can now think: Orthodox Jew = terribly expensive lifestyle = risk to employer. This on top of whatever other issues the employer may worry about (I had one interview that crossed into awkward territory where I had to explain that the previous employee who left him burned wasn't representative of Orthodox Jews vis a vis the laws of yichud).

I think that the majority of younger sheitel wearers do want their wig to go undetected on the job. The best solution to that, whether you are spending $500 or $5000 is to zip the lips.

Shana Tova

2011-09-28T09:31:00.003-04:00

Wishing all my readers a shana tovah. May you all be blessed with a year of life, health, and parnassah. Back after the break with some more posts on a variety of topics.

Lakewood Sensibilities or just plain Sensible?

2011-09-22T14:46:00.005-04:00

Chaim of Divrei Chaim writes about a chessed dinner put on through the school (which is is generally pleased with) in which the young teenage girls enjoy a banquet a bid on prizes including things like a manicure, shopping trip to Woodbury Commons, or Shabbos in New Square which starts at $100 per person (take from the comments). Such an event brought him to the passuk "love kindness and walk modestly with your G-d" as being not two values, but a relationship of values. The way of chessed is through modesty (and by that the Navi isn't speaking of clothing measurements alone).

Every once in a while a Orthodox leader or Rabbi decries America materialism, mostly in relationship to the tuition crisis (subject of an upcoming post), yet few seem to blink an eye when schools put on this type of event or go on day trips that many families wouldn't even consider going on themselves. The idea of putting teenagers into a group setting to bid for prizes, prizes that introduce greater luxuries or require more cash outlay, are particularly distasteful to me.

Perhaps adults "need" carrots to guide their giving and make it "palatable" or to attract more attention in the marketplace, but do we need this for children? If we really want to tackle rampant materialism and entitlement (and such come up as regular subjects), the place to start is with some basic sensible chinuch. My 13 year old has no business taking her ma'aser money and bidding on a manicure in order to make a simple donation. . . . and for that matter, I don't need to so either!

A commentator b writes "In December of '05, the BMG Ladies Auxiliary sent out a Chinese Auction booklet that offered prizes that were, by Lakewood standards, extravagant. Rabbi Kotler soon retracted the booklet and issued an apology. Chaim, you have the sensibilities of a Lakewood Yeshiva person. For the rest of us, the reality is that this is a good and efficient way to raise money."

Well, label me a "Lakewood Yeshiva person" if you may, but one need not live in Lakewood or even have a yeshiva education to say, "what in the world is going on here?". I'd label the questioning/opposition as just plain sensible! And I think that "we" are making a major mistake in chinuch with the notion that there need to be a prize for everything.

(On a related note, Jewish schools have a very broad socio-economic spectrum and relatively small numbers of students. I think it important to keep that in mind when planning school related events. A mother-daughter tea at $36+ babysitting if necessary, ski trips, graduation trips, etc all add up and parents of teenagers tell me they can spend upwards of $1000 on the extras in a year.)

Of course, a yashar koach to Chaim B's daughter who was able to ask questions when seeing the event.

Lakewood Scoop: You Should Be Ashamed of Yourself

2011-09-20T00:33:00.003-04:00

Hat Tip: A reader who writes "now I've seen it all".

The Lakewood Scoop, who only 4 short months ago was alerting readers that a MLM that many frum people had placed their money and energy into had gone bankrupt leaving others holding the bag and causing a bit of commotion (TLS Link) has just put up an advertisement fronting as a news story for some type of budding scam promising the kollel man and others the starts. It is brought to you by a Yaakov (Jack) Rottenberg via the Lakewood Scoop. Here is the text (abbreviated):

[Advertorial] Question: Are you sitting in Kollel wondering how you are going to be paying your monthly bills? Are you working 9 to 5 without covering your monthly bills, or do you cover your monthly bills but do not to have any accumulated savings? Are you tired of having to work month after month only to have to pay the same bills and do the same work over and over? Is the economy putting you under stress?
Well here is the answer for you,
Hi, my name is Yaakov Rottenberg, and I’ve been in this exact situation before and B’H by joining this business my situation has changed completely. This has been very successful for me and all my associates.
I’m talking about a billion dollar company available in other states that has just opened in New Jersey giving anyone with a vision the opportunity to earn UNLIMITED income based on what they put into it.
“You see, when you work you get paid for the work you produce but, you need to keep on producing the work to get paid”.
Imagine if you can work once diligently and then off that make residual month to month income for the rest of your life.
NOT POSSIBLE??
INCORRECT!!
With this opportunity you can do exactly all this and hopefully achieve FINANCIAL FREEDOM.

I’m not only talking about being able to get all the extras in life (although that’s also nice), we are talking about simply having an income that will pay your monthly bills month after month after month for the rest of your life.

The company was founded in 2006 & has quickly risen to one of the fastest growing companies in the US and one of the top fortune 500 companies.

This is the perfect business for anyone, whether you already have a business going, or whether you are sitting in kollel, whether you are old, young, single or married.

In this business you can work on your own schedule, with your own hours, at your own convenience and at your own pace.

Here are some quotes from other associates of mine. . . . . . . .

Lakewood Scoop, where is your yashrut or is (your) money all that matters? The man doesn't even NAME his company, but promises lifetime income served up on a silver platter. Be prepared to al chet for placing a stumbling block before the blind. Surely you can recognize the scam pattern!?! You were only just alerting the public to a scam 4 months ago and now you are hosting a shameless plug for an unnamed company? The klal's money, time, and energy is not hefker. You and I know full well that those who believe don't have what to risk (and these "opportunities" require "investment").

You should take this advertisement down immediately! This is shameful and desperate. Time to get back to the Torah basics and time to care about other people's money (or lack thereof).

A few signs an "opportunity" will leave you holding the bag:

*You must to pay to play.

*To get $paid$ you need to bring people into the business. (Stable, successful businesses do not seek to grow indiscriminately and indefinitely, they target markets, create niches, have HR departments that select who they want representing their company and product).

*Code words: "Financial Freedom" "Opportunity" "Change you life" "Unlimited" (markets are always limited), , "perfect business for anyone" (in real marketplace companies don't want just "anyone" representing their business), "work your own schedule", "dreams" $$$

*The defenders are like men on a mission (you sense that religious vibe).

Here is the comment I left at TLS (not sure if it will get published):

How low can you go to post an advertisement for a company whose name is not even published only 4 months after you alerted your readership to The Harvest America bankruptcy? That "opportunity" like this "opportunity" share the same patterns and the same religious zealousness on the part of the defenders. The world is promised and little can be delivered because the model simply doesn't work. Stable, successful businesses to not seek to expand indiscriminately and indefinitely. They are not "perfect for anyone." They have officers, managers, owners who spend tremendous resources ensuring their company is staffed efficiently, not staffed by just anyone. They know markets are limited and they seek to target markets and create niche markets. These companies don't want everyone and anyone selling the same product. Quite the opposite in fact.

This is a stumbling block in front of the blind. In the spirit of Rosh Hashana (guarantees on parnassa!? I think not!), it would behoove you to remove this ad.

A Tribute? "I Wondered Whether This Was the End of His Generosity to Me"

2011-09-18T17:47:00.004-04:00

Jewish Worker comments on a Hamodia story on the passing of a tzadik and a troubling aspect highlighted therein, the departure from what is written so clearly in birchat hamazon: please do not make us dependent upon the gifts or loans of flesh and blood.

Yet here the story of a generous tzadik who provided money for those who could not afford tefillin for a Bar Mitzvah is retold by his chavruta as follows:

"When Reb Shlomo oldest son was approaching Bar Mitzva Reb Shlomo had no money to buy him tefillin. A few months before the Bar Mitzva Reb Nosson gave him an envelope full of cash, enough to buy the best teffilin.

The next year was his second son's bar mitzva and again he had no money for tefilin. "I had no idea whether Reb Nosson's generosity would repeat itself this time around and with little alternative I waited to see what would happen. And in fact a few months before the bar mitzva the same scenario reoccurred. The story repeated itself four more times."

When my fifth son's bar mitzva was approaching Reb Nosson had already taken ill and hardly came to Yeshiva. I wondered whether this was the end of his generosity to me. After all out of sight means out of mind, didn't it?

Well it didn't. . . "

There is something particularly off putting not just of the expectation to receive tzedakah, but of focusing on whether or not the tzedakah would repeat itself while a man lays on his death bed.

Sometimes I wonder how some things get across the editor's desk. This hardly seems a tribute to the man who has passed on. And the person telling his story. . . . well, would you want to tell this story about yourself?

Parsonage for Women: A Money Saving Idea

2011-09-13T16:38:00.006-04:00

Hat Tip: a reader

Avi Chai Foundation, based on an essay by Rabbi Michael Broyde, is making the case for female day school/Bais Yaakov teachers to qualify for parsonage.

Parsonage allows a religious institution to pay a "minister" a housing allowance (in short, an amount not to exceed the lower of actual cost or fair market value of a furnished home + utilities + repairs). The institution benefits as parsonage is not subject to the employer payroll tax.

The employee benefits as the parsonage is not subject to Federal Tax. (It does however count as income for the purposes of the Earned Income Credit). The employee pays both halves of the social security tax on their earnings and parsonage. But, because those receiving parsonage are employees rather than a contractors, employers can offer other tax advantaged benefits.

Obviously the female Rabbinate in the Reform and Conservative movement qualify to take parsonage in full. [Updated: I believe that a yoetzet halacha would certainly qualify]. The case for parsonage for Orthodox female religious study staff is a harder case to make given that there are no formal programs for female religious leaders.

I think Rabbi Broyde makes an interesting argument, but not one I'm particularly comfortable with. His argument is as follows:

The Jewish legal tradition lacks almost any ecclesiastical function that can be performed by ordained rabbis only and recognizes that lay leadership can rise to the level of clergy in functionality, form, title and duties…. [I]in many yeshivas, some women serve in roles identical to those served by rabbis, e.g., supervising prayer, providing religious guidance, teaching sacred texts with religious fervor, conducting themselves as religious role models, and otherwise serving sacerdotal functions. These women are entitled to the parsonage allowance exclusion according to the laws of the United States”.

Certainly we aren't the only tradition for which lay leaders can perform any function. In fact, I believe that the Mormon Church has only lay leaders who have achieved various ascending rank who serve as lay leaders and preside over religious life in addition to regular employment.

Also, it is hard to have a leg to stand upon regarding women having a leadership function when the Orthodox world has been fighting such within its own daled amot. There is, shall we say, little precedent.

According to the Avi Chai blog post, there are already Modern Orthodox and Chareidi schools claiming parsonage for women. I don't believe that this is done where I am and I don't know any CPA that would recommend as such.

So, feel free to comment here or there. I don't think this is a shoe-in, especially as parsonage is generally reserved for those who are ministers inside of churches (or Rabbis inside of synagogues). I know of no other religious group, save the Amish, that has their own schooling system. I think there is a fine line between taking full advantage of the tax law and acting rashly. But, there is no question that there are savings to be recognized.

Some after notes and thoughts:

**I certainly believe that functioning yoetzet halacha would qualify for parsonage.

**It would be interesting if those who work in the schools could give the readership an idea of what percentage of women limudei kodesh teachers have husbands who do NOT have a parsonage through their own Rabbinic post or teaching post. I don't want to venture a guess, but at least as you move right on the spectrum, it is my observation that kli kodesh come in pairs.

**Worthwhile reading (hat tip: Tax Prof blog). Cordozo Law and Gender Journal, ORTHODOX JEWISH WOMEN AND ELIGIBILITY FOR THE PARSONAGE EXEMPTION, Jacob Lewin analyzes Rabbi Broyde's view which he views as overstepping and perhaps even abusive. Excellent read.

Some tests:

1. Does the person administer sacerdotal functions customarily

administered only by clergy? 2. Does the person conduct worship

services? 3. Does the person perform services in the control, conduct, and

maintenance of a religious organization? 4. Is the person considered a

spiritual leader by his or her religious body? 5. Does the person have a

formal license, commission or ordination?

PSA: Nassau County LinkedIn Workshop

2011-09-12T21:58:00.003-04:00

My Long Island readers might be interested in a LinkedIn Workshop at the West Hempstead Public Library.

Monday, September 19th at 7:00 PM. Information follows:

For your readers in Nassau County:

Please join me for my LinkedIn Workshop at the West Hempstead Public Library- Monday September 19th at 7 PM! http://bit.ly/LinkedIn_WHPL

You can see an outline of the LinkedIn Workshop here: http://bit.ly/Networking_Workshops and a Webcast of my presentation at the OU here: http://bit.ly/LinkedIn_Webcast

"We Expect"

2011-09-09T00:50:00.003-04:00

Thank you to the readers who are sending me tuition links like the subject is going out of style. Not to worry, I will continue with some of the bread and butter with my blog, I've just been busy.

First up on the tuition circuit is this editorial from the new President of the Orthodox Union, Mr. Savitsky: Do We Have an Economic Model that Works?

I'm just left speechless by this near promise on the issue of affordability private Jewish education:

One of the solutions we expect is that the funding of secular education in yeshivos will be paid for by the city, state, or federal government. The money must follow the student, and every student by law has the right to a secular education.

While I appreciate the efforts to secure funding for private school students (despite my own ambivalent stance re: government funding and private education ), I am just aghast the only thinking being presented is:

1. Secure government funding (hasn't happened yet and little positive indication that it will happen)

and

2. Relocate people to promising communities.

The four criteria per the article are:

-First, a community must possess the basic infrastructure: shuls, mikvahs, a yeshiva environment, access to kosher shopping, an eruv, and kosher restaurants.

- Second, it must have serious opportunities for employment at all levels. Without jobs, we will not be successful in encouraging people to move.

- Third, it must be a warm, caring and cohesive community that offers financial incentives for people to move; it must have affordable housing and education; and the community has to be willing to engage in outreach as unaffiliated Jews become attracted to their synagogues.

- Fourth, there has to be stability in rabbinic, educational, and lay leadership. Why invest in a community if its rabbinic leadership changes every few years?

I've probably played out the commentary on the former. Do readers see positive signals that private school students of the average Orthodox demographic in any state are soon to see funding? The statement is rather bold and unbelievable without any evidence of legislative change.

Regarding the latter, I am very curious which communities have been identified on the list of 10 and I'm looking forward to seeing the short list rolled out. I do believe that young people would be well served exploring less pricey communities and building a life in those communities. There are a few incentive programs of recent memory, one featured on VIN in a smaller Long Island community. Since no incentive packages have a long term track record, building an incentive program is certainly experimental. I'd like to hear more about what the accomplishments and pitfalls have been.

Guest Post: The Smart Reader's Kids

2011-09-06T16:00:00.001-04:00

In honor of Back to School I present an informative guest post for parents of budding readers from The Smart Reader Blog. Much thanks on your guidance and contribution to my blog! Check out The Smart Reader Blog please (see sidebar for the link also).

I often get requests for book recommendations for children; nowadays it's so difficult to find books for kids that have literary merit. Another issue is the fact that one doesn't want one's children picking up, say, bad language from the books he/she is reading. It's also hard to pinpoint which books reflect the values one is trying to inculcate in one's family.

Although this may sound like a pain in the neck, I pre-read nearly every book my children take out from the library. This isn't really as hard as it sounds, because I spent most of my childhood reading every book in existence; it only remains for me to read the newer ones. Also, I read faster than the average person (practice makes perfect! Read Malcolm Gladwell's if you don't believe me.

In this post, I offer a short list of recommended reading for emerging readers and onward. If you are looking for good books in a particular genre for your child, you can request those in the comments and I'll do another post later this month.

Emerging readers: These are the children who are just beginning to read on their own and are moving beyond read-aloud; there is usually a special section in the library for these readers. Unfortunately, each publisher has its own leveling system, so it takes some time to figure out what is what, but you can't go wrong with:

Dr. Seuss; Cat in the Hat and Green Eggs and Ham are perfect for young independent readers.
Arnold Lobel's Frog and Toad
David Adler's Young Cam Jansen, and when they are ready they can move on to the regular Cam Jansen series.
I was very fond of Amelia Bedelia when I was very young; I've noticed, however, that today's children often don't grasp the double meanings of the words the way we used to. A lot of those words are not in common use today, and it just doesn't seem as funny. Take them out anyway; it's worth a little bit of explanation.

Intermediate readers: These are children who read well on their own, and can deal with real chapter books that have lots of words. The subject matter is usually straightforward and the plot is generally uncomplicated. Vocabulary is on or slightly above level.

I don't really like series books, but this one is actually not bad (although it's a tad commercial for my taste). The American Girl books, with each series focusing on a child growing up during a particular era in American history, are nicely done, well-written, and comfortingly predictable. The values are quite nice, and each book features an appendix that tells the reader more about the period in history. If you can restrain yourself from purchasing any of the merchandise, you should be fine. The authors vary. These are usually most suitable for ages 7-10.
A good author for children ages 8-11 is Eleanor Estes; her Moffat family series is charming and funny. Other good authors for these ages are Elizabeth Enright, whose '50's era books are all now being reprinted, and Edward Eager. Eager is an E.Nesbit wannabe, and for those of you who have never heard of Nesbit, she was an English children's author who was very well known and is still widely read. I would recommend her books to older children, though, because the language is quite British, if you get my meaning.
Laura Ingalls Wilder's books are a good place to start for a girl who is ready for a book that is a bit longer. The series officially begins with Little House in the Big Woods, and moves onward. The last two might not be appropriate to children younger than 11 or 12; the last book is actually a bit tragic.
Andrew Clements skyrocketed to fame with his bestseller, Frindle, and seems to have been consistently churning out entertaining novels since then. I particularly enjoyed A Week in the Woods, as well as Room One. Parents should be aware, however, that Clements also published several Young Adult books that are not targeted to this age level.
One thing (out of many) that is appealing about her books is how they are so suited both to boys and girls. Ramona is a character girls love and boys find hilarious. Ralph S. Mouse has universal appeal.
Noel Streatfeild was a great favorite of mine growing up. Her "Shoe" books (Ballet Shoes, Dancing Shoes, Theater Shoes) are endearing and beautifully written.

Older and advanced readers: Children aged 11 and over are often looking for books with more complex plots, abstract themes, that don't unfold predictably. However, this age and level is difficult because much of the fiction marketed to this group depicts values and behaviors parents don't want their children immersed in. Here I offer a short list of some suitable reading material, but it is very important here to know what your child can handle, and what you do/do not want him/her exposed to.

Zilpha Keatley Snyder: One of my favorite books, even now, is Snyder's Velvet Room. One of her several books set against the backdrop of the Great Depression, Snyder's story carries a lesson but does it so gently that the reader delights in learning it. I didn't love all her books, but she's definitely an author to acquaint yourself with.
L.M. Montgomery was the creator of Anne of Green Gables and published oodles of similar books. There's no real middle ground with Montgomery -- either you love her or she sickens you.
Newbery Medal books: Click on this link to get a full listing of all the Newbery winners I have read and reviewed.

If you post your requests in the comments section for this post, I will take up this thread in my next post as well. For example, if you have a child who likes fantasy, or mysteries, I would be happy to publish a separate post for that genre.

Be sure to check out my quasi-kid post on this page.

Dental Care is Important

2011-09-05T20:30:00.004-04:00

Thank you Mr. Cohen for pointing out this news story that underscores that dental care is important and must be prioritized. For new blog readers or infrequent readers, dental care is something that many forgo to pay for other things (including tuition).

And only 24 years old. How sad.

Update: No this post is not about the health care debate. Yes, certainly he could have made different choices. Bottom line, dental care is health care and I've seen enough anecdotes/posts about forgoing dental care for tuition (not that I'm doing the math) and I don't think it is wise. Done. :)

Maximizing Resources: Full Time, Part Time, No Time?

2011-09-04T21:18:00.002-04:00

Every once in a while the time comes to re-evaluate if we are maximizing our resources. With a lot of juggling and support from my family, I've managed to carve out a second income with little out of pocket expense, but plenty of expense to reduce what is actually taxable thanks to a home office, depreciable computer equipment I'd probably own anyways, and mileage for miles I'd probably drive anyways. Oh, and no child care costs (unless we count the $2 I paid my 10 year old neighbor to play mother's helper one Friday afternoon when I fell behind on Shabbat prep after billing out some 30 hours of work in a week).

Nonetheless, with a tuition bill dangling over head and a bill that will go up another 25% next year if we continue in the same direction, the nagging question 'could I be doing better' does rear it's head. And this morning, it reared its head. I have an ability to estimate such a scenario without a calculator, but this morning I pulled up a spreadsheet, did some research, and used my handy dandy software to figure out how much more we could be netting if I grossed a little over [x.5] times what I'm grossing now with a full time position in an office that would, sadly, be a bit of a drive from where we are thanks to traffic. I'm not quite sure I could gross that from the start, but I appreciate my husband's belief that I could get there pretty quickly. So I ran with it.

I set up a spreadsheet to compare the current scenario of self-employment and a small W-2 here or there to full time employment. I plugged in the new tax scenario. Then I subtracted out a minimal amount of cost we'd need in terms of childcare--I compared a [legal] nanny scenario with no other childcare for the older ones (rare in my neck of the woods) vs. combination day care scenario piecing together camps, after-care, and full time day care. Minimal means that we would still need to switch hit around here to fill in for teacher in-service days, etc.

Then I subtracted another $1200 in increased costs for the year which is low balling it to the max. But I figured that I've settled into some fairly good patterns that I wouldn't need to resort to pizza regularly. Nonetheless, a regular commute would eat up gas and I'd probably need to spend a little more on clothing. But, our utility cost would a bit less.

After all of this, I came to a nice bottom line figure, added back a percent of the the costs I can take as business expenses that I'd absorb anyhow (e.g., a percentage of home insurance, water, electric, home repairs for the whole of the house), and I came to the downright depressing discovery that even surprised me after the serious low balling of increased expenses (notice, there is not a penny in here for cleaning help and I'd be putting in 50+ hours a week pre-Pesach).

My scenario is mine alone and I'm glad I took the time to plug in my numbers because I appreciate clarity more than anything. After comparing working part time for me vs. working full time for someone else, you might be curious what the bottom line is. While I won't lay out my personal scenario, I will give you the bottom line current benefit of working full time vs. continuing piece together an income the way I've been blessed to piece one together:

$1328.70

A few dinners out and a few times with a cleaning crew and poof, gone!

My husband is in disbelief, despite reviewing my figures and spreadsheet. I'm just downright frustrated because even when I eliminate the full time day care, there isn't a single middle school tuition left.

We are a bit shell shocked over here, so excuse the lack of conclusion. But please do share how you weight one working scenario vs. another. Thanks.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: The potential of 401k match would be there in a salaried position. But I've found match is no longer what it is. That would push things a bit higher up. But, if I set up a SEP plan, I could nearly offset the difference in benefit anyways. The real financial advantage of working full time for me has a rather large time frame. But, there are so many family demands that it takes a skilled tightrope walker and a crystal ball to weight it all.

Sheital Leasing: A Good Deal or Not?

2011-09-02T12:47:00.003-04:00

Hat Tip: VIN News

I'd like to hear from my readers who are regular, higher end, sheital wearers (and their husbands), as opposed to more casual wearers, what they think of the economics of sheital leasing. Is $75 a month (service included) a good deal, or a fleece?

The Ynet article quotes a marketing manager to who compares sheital leasing to car leases. I think my readers are well aware of my opinion that leasing a car is a very, very expensive way to get from point A to point B and is far from a thrifty way to operate a vehicle. Hence, a gut reaction that this too is a fleece. However, while I'm sure I will never be renting a sheital, it might not be a rotten deal at all.

In my, not-so-educated opinion, higher end sheital wearing doesn't compare well to operating a vehicle at all as the alternatives to are far more limited (no, I'm not addressing hats vs. sheitals) and the usable life of the product is much shorter. The bar mitzvah age vehicle sitting outside my house, with as many issues as your average teenager, still serves its main purpose in it's own awkward way. But, I can tell you this, I wouldn't wear it on my head if I woke up tomorrow to find the car had become a sheital. Ventilation is a must, and dents throughout would render the thing unwearable.

A car that has been driven into the ground still has a value, if only at the junk yard for scrap metal. A car that is quite functional can be sold to a wide array of potential, flexible buyers for some real cash. A sheital that has been driven into the group, so to speak, is completely and utterly worthless. A sheital that is perfectly functional has very few potential buyers, and even fewer with the needed flexibility. I've seen people try to sell their twice worn customs for 80% of what they paid. I don't think there are too many takers.

Where sheital wearing does compare better to vehicles is in the realm of maintenance. I believe higher-end sheital wearers do pay for monthly wash and sets, which can run between $20 and $30 a month, making the $75 a month price closer to $60 a month. And, well, with the option to replace the wig once a year. . . . perhaps there is a value?

So regular sheital wearers (i.e. those who wear nearly daily), is sheital leasing at $75 a month a good deal or not when you average out the cost of your wig(s) and their maintenance over their useful life less any resale value?

Tzedakah Watch: No Longer Guaranteed

2011-08-30T13:55:00.004-04:00

The newest advertisement from Hidabroot reads "How to Almost GUARANTEE Yourself a Good Year". Is someone reading my posts (see the guarantee for good children for only $12 per month)? I will consider this an improvement. Much more, uh, Jewish, but a lot less enticing. If only I could buy those good children guaranteed. . . . .my work-in-progress children seem far more costly and there seem to be no guarantees.

Bad Financial Advice: Just Default

2011-08-23T19:00:00.000-04:00

I believe I once started a feature on "Bad Financial Advice." I don't know if this is a revival, but a thread on imamother about getting out of credit card debt bring me back to the theme. A poster advises someone seeking advice on her credit card debt to default on the payments. She claims it isn't so bad and, in this economic environment, you can even get credit again. Yippee. In this case, the mother looking for advise has $4000 of credit card debt, perfectly surmountable.

Ruining your credit isn't just a matter of getting credit and the dollars and cents of interest rates. Bad credit hurt those seeking employment opportunities. It can cost you a security clearance. It can even cost you your current job. (link)

Bottom line: employers use credit history as an indicator regarding responsibility, character, and trust. Bad credit is a risk factor, especially if you are dealing with money. Best to deal with the $4000 than seek an "easy" way out. That easy way out may cost you much more in the unforeseen future.

Inviting Ridicule, Deservedly So!

2011-08-21T14:35:00.007-04:00

On Lag B'Omer of this year was host to the a most terrible evil: the attempted murder of the Rottenberg family in their home while they slept. With Hashem's great kindness, the family was saved, although Mr. Rottenberg was left with terrible burns all over his body.

There have been other terrible events of recent memory, especially the murder of little Leiby, but I call this one the most terrible because the reporting was followed up by defense of the perpetrator. While little should surprise me anymore, defending someone who throws douses a family deck with gas at 4AM ranks is something I never expected anyone to defend, even in a defend-a-yid-no-matter-the-act-world. Blog commentators on VIN, Matzav, and other sites actually defended this bochur and vilified the family, someone who perpetuated what every single Jew and non-Jew I associate with would call by its proper name: EVIL.

Worse yet, an event that I would consider pivitol, was virtually ignored in frum print media, although the silence was later broken by a piece in of "journalism" in AMI Magazine extolling the greatness of the kehilla and its Rebbe. The hard hitting questions. . . . frum print media seems unable to deal with such, much less the social commentary. A near murder in the name of defending the Rebbe's honor, and the response is silence followed by more hagiography when the the interviewing editor got goosebumps upon meeting the Rebbe?

Well, as we seem to continually see, things seem to go from bad to even worse. (Hat Tip: VIN) What could be even worse that a near murder of 6 sleeping people followed by a whitewashed piece of journalism? How about a letter going out months after the crime to New Square followers and friends calling the boy's heineous act some Lag B'Omer teenage "mischief". The letter states: "the most important thing we have learned is that the teenage boy never intended to harm anyone."

This letter, for which the letters writers do not even have the humanity to name the victim, Mr. Chaim Aron Rottenberg, by name and calls the event an "accident", nearly handing the blame for the explosion on Mr. Rottenberg himself. After all, the device was "too primitive to do any real damage." As the teenagers might say, puhleeze!!! Entire blocks of homes have been burned and sections of large cities evacuated when an unthinking driver has thrown a single lit cigarette out of a car window.

What's the letter really about. . . . . . well, you be the judge:

But just as a man has been unjustly harmed, so too has the Skevere community. It is not right to belittle a community of thousands of sincere pious Jews. It is not right to disgrace in terrible terms the honor of a Tzadik and holy leader.

Ridicule is invited with such a letter. The letter drips with arrogance. There is no contrition nor introspection. There is no responsibility taken. But blame is easy to hand out.

So, why is this event and the letter which followed months later begging English speakers not to punish the community for the act of one mischievous teenager who didn't really mean any harm important to non-Skever, of any importance to Orthodox Jews outside of the most immediate community? Here are some reasons:

1. Well, for one, money talks. For a while now, we've continued to see a cult of Rabbi/Rebbe worship developing. We've seen the formula of Tanach of teshuvah-tefillah-tzedakah turned on it's head as quick fixes are bandied about in advertisements that not only bring us segulot in a smorgasbord form to sample! We can buy prayers for whatever we need salvation from/for. We can drink segula wine and wear a silver segula ring that has been dunked 3 times in the mikvah, some of the most egregious. And, for only $12 a month , good children GUARANTEED. . . and if we are lucky, we will win some dollar bills or a room in the penthouse suite too. When we spend our money, we send messages.

2. Two, cult and cultish behavior is alive an well. We need to learn to recognize it and deal with it. And where we see signs of things gone awry, we need to seek normalization.

3. Many shtetle life isn't so romantic afterall. Just the mere fact that this letter could be released with the express goal of quelling some of the criticism and ridicule, and keeping friends and followers, demonstrates the problem of living in a bubble.

GOOD CHILDREN for only $12 a month

2011-08-15T17:52:00.006-04:00

This. . . an email received from the Onlysimchas/Hidabroot (yes, my former policy of hints on this type of post is up. From now on, when I note a troubling trend in tzedakah and bring an example, I will just print). For only $12 a month you can buy good children GUARANTEED, by Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky himself. And, if you give your tzedakah/raffle/gambling dollars to this cause, you might be lucky enough to land $20K in cash and a Jerusalem penthouse to boot. Woot woot.

Text follows in its exact form. This is so outrageous. How can we return to the normative of teshuva, tefillah, tzedakah?

NEW!

GOOD CHILDREN

Now Only $12 a month*

GUARANTEED

* You May Also Get a Luxurious Penthouse
Apartment in Jerusalem Plus $20,000 to boot!

It’s Not a Joke.

It takes as little as $12 a month for the guarantee of being spared tza’ar gidul bonim to apply to you with the guarantor being HaRav Hagaon Rav Chaim Kanievsky Shlit”a.

Here’s why he made this kind of outrageous promise:.

Imagine it was a mitzvah to watch TV.

What was unimaginable only a few years ago is a living fact today: Inside the sea of filth and sheer idiocy there’s an island of honest-to-
goodness Yiddishkeit on television in Israel. What’s more, it’s available 24 hours a day.

How that happened is a story in itself.:

A little while ago, with the proliferation of cable channels, an obscure law was passed that obliged cable companies to designate a small percentage of air time to “community-oriented material.” That was the “crack in the dam” we needed.

After some difficult negotiations Hidabroot was let in. Of course we were severely warned against “proselytizing” secular Israelis to Yiddishkeit, “heaven forbid” … The mandate was limited to “show interesting stuff” about Judaism without ever trying to “convert” - or else!

Ah, but there was something they forgot!

They forgot that Yiddishe neshomas and Torah are one entity. Jews, secular or otherwise, are still Jews. The hidden spark inside the Jewish soul is so
powerful that Israelis needed no prompting to search further for their roots. All we needed to do was give them good, interesting programming about Judaism,
wrapped in modern terms. That’s all.

And so we gave it to them: Lectures
about gilgouley neshamos (incarnations) … how Kabbalah and science see the first days of בראשית… proof of life after death … the mysteries of
speech … the explosive power of thought according to Judaism … the secret meaning of Hebrew letters … astonishing demonstrations of Bible Code in
action,explain by a university professor of mathematics … plus lots more.

“It’s the highest- quality programming on television by far,” says Dvora Harel, a prominent graphologist (with “leftist leanings,” as she puts it).

“I could never imagine myself looking at programs about Judaism before, but the Hidabroot programs are really something else. They're fantastic.”

And so they called...

Every program of Hidabroot has a running “tickertape” on the bottom of the screen with our phone numbers for questions and further information. That is all the thirsty viewer needed.

Over twelve thousand people call for more information about Judaism every month … 7,500 questions of halachah are answered by Rabbonim every month … 9,000 packets of mail with books and discs on various subjects are mailed out – free of charge - every month …

Soon after we opened a web site to house past programs, and the rush was on: Over thirty thousand surfers visit the site every single day!

Next, we created a full schedule of live lectures with attendance of over 85,000 people who, as Rav Elyashiv Shlit"a said, “never heard of קריאת שמעbefore” filling the meeting halls.…

After a short while, a full-color magazine was published. – Within months it had over 12,000 subscribers.…

When 264,000 people demand more of a good thing

Viewership of the Hidabroot channel swelled to 264,000 people a day and they wanted more. A lot more.

In response to the growing demand, Hidabroot’s broadcast schedule grew to 24 hours a day of quality programming.

To the initial programming were added shows by popular Torah personalities such as Rav Zamir Cohen and Rav Uri Zohar, among others and those are quickly becoming a staple in growing number of Israeli homes.

Then the High Court stepped in and made us VITAL!

Christian missionaries had a cable TV show, but were taken off the air for proselytizing (which is against the Israeli law). Wouldn't you know it, the Israeli High Court put them right on air again. You see, “It isn’t democratic.”. Indeed…

So now there are Christian missionaries with unlimited funding behind them fishing for Jewish souls for 24 hours day!

Hidabroot is no longer just an option (if it ever was…). It’s a must!

Rav Shteinman shlit”a said, “Obviously Hidabroot is an absolute must!”

The Belzer Rebbe shlit”a said, “(We) have been waiting for 50 years for such a great thing. What others can accomplish only after a long time, (Hidabroot) can accomplish in a single day.”
“(Hidabroot) are doing incredible things,” said HaRav Ovadia Yossef shlit”a. “You (Hidabroot) are our messengers,.” said the Novominsker Rebbeshlit”a,
“Whatever you need, we will be by your side.”

The Catch

The only catch to the wonderful mandate Hidabroot got from the cable channels is … no commercials allowed. That means that there’s no way for Hidabroot to make any money and support itself.

This is why we come to you today: The costs of keeping Hidbroot running is 13 million dollars a year, and we have no way of making it without serious help from you.

This is why we decided to give you a luxurious penthouse apartment of your own in Jerusalem ... plus $20,000 for good measure.

Here's how it works.

The Great Hidabroot Giveaway. Your Kids Need It!

The world was always rife with "schmootz" and temptation –— except today it comes in without bothering to knock.

We need unbelievable siyata dishmaya to merit that our children
will sidestep all the horrible hurdles that face young people today and grow up good kids. With Hidabroot, this merit is at hand: Rav Chaim Kanievsky shlit”a promised this kind of heavenly help for anyone who supports Hidabroot in its effort to bring Hashem’s children back to Him.

Your donation of only $12 a month will buy you a ticket to the Great Hidabroot Penthouse Giveaway on October 31st when we’ll be raffling off a luxurious 2 floor penthouse in the center of Jerusalem.

The penthouse comes fully furnished, down to the curtains in the opulent living room and the closets and linen in the complete master bedroom. The kitchen is fully accessorized down to an automatic luxury coffee maker. The entire apartment is, of course, fully air conditioned!

But that is not all!

...Just to keep you interested, until then we’ll also be raffling off a few times the tidy sum of $5,000 in cash equalling $20,000 cash.

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Simply Don't Understand the Response

2011-08-14T14:21:00.004-04:00

Earlier this year I posted a PSA for the West Orange Cooperative Yeshiva (WOCY) which was slated to open this coming September. The WOCY had rented a facility, hired staff, and enrolled students.

Recently, the Cooperative announced that some enrolled students flew the coop and the school would no longer open. Clearly, such is a risk in any small school.

What I can't understand is after renting a facility, hiring staff, and enrolling students, only to see the project collapse, how this can be the press release:

The West Orange Cooperative Yeshiva achieved an incredible goal of enticing the local yeshivot to match and even beat our tuition rates for many West Orange students this year. This is a wonderful accomplishment and really why we began this endeavor.
Based on this information which came from some of our student body as well as other prospective families, it became clear that there was minimal need for us to continue. More and more families that were interested in our school started signing at wonderfully reduced tuition rates that they were not offered in the past. In lieu of this, we will not be opening this year and fully expect the tuition assistance to continue in the future.
We are very thankful to our local yeshivot for recognizing the tuition crisis and reacting in a way that helps the community at large

While is is quite nice for the parents who wanted to only pay $XXXX, that they are now able to pay $XXXX (for school year 2011-2012) in the school of their choice, such cannot be why a school is organized. And what of minimal need? These are kindergarten students; students with 12 more years of schooling ahead of them. Are the established schools going to continue to offer reduced tuition for many years to come when there is no competition, and no real threat of competition because they can now call the parents' bluff?

And, where is the yashrut? There were staff that committed themselves to the school. And surely not every parent flew the coop. What of those parents who didn't intend to be looking for another arrangement in the 11th hour? What of sincere parents down the road who might like to form a co-op but will not be taken seriously should they try?

I simply don't see the silver lining here. But, perhaps someone will explain it to me.

Why Does it Cost So Much to Educate a Jewish Child?

2011-08-11T09:20:00.004-04:00

Hat Tip goes to the first read who pointed this out in the comments of the previous post. Thank you R. Mordechai Scher. There were many more who emailed me privately. Thank you to all. Clearly this article is making the rounds.

So, "Why Does it Cost So Much to Educate a Jewish Child?" Rabbi Teitz offers an eye-opening analysis, and an analysis that leaves me to conclude that cost cutting simply isn't going to come from above.

First, the "kitzur" of the article about what costs drive school budgets, and then some of my own thoughts (and your comments):

Staffing and Salaries are the majority of the budget. Educators make a school. Salaries are set by the market and schools compete with each other for top staff, staff driving costs upwards. Cost cutting in this area will drive great educators from the field. Talented educators will choose other fields. If key staff is not maintained, parents to take their dollars elsewhere. Even where population fluctuates, staffing needs maintained for the most part to offer a consistent product. Cutting class size will impact instruction. How significant the impact would be depends on the teacher and students. Cut class size and parents might leave. Where genders are separated, the population might not be big enough to increase class size anyways. Very few school run at capacity as it is. There is a point where annual increases aren't reasonable. Limudei kodesh teachers are reaching that level. There are some unrealistic expectations of remuneration when it comes to administrative salaries.

Special Education Special education basically didn't exist 40 years ago. Now we educate children with special needs and it costs a lot of money. JEC spends nearly $1.5 million, 12% of the budget, on "resource room" alone.

Social Workers Forty years ago there were no social workers, today the author's school has 3 plus other guidance staff. Can this be cut? No. There are too many culture influences kids are being bombarded with. ("And this is why public school simply can not be an option.")

Extras The challenge every school has it determining what is a need and what is nice to have. The philosophy is that we want each student to feel good about coming to school. We could save money on sports, music, and art. But the budget wouldn't be cut significantly and it would make a lot of students miserable. Perhaps these students will act out. Excursions could be dropped, but students look back at those fondly.

Technology Listed as needs are computers in every classroom. They don't need to be the latest, but they do need to be up-to-date. Parents see the increased technology as a need at this point, and parental expectation drives costs.

Competition Schools need to offer what other schools do or they will lose students. Reducing student population means increased tuition for the remaining families. You can't win this one. Some might argue that creating a nurturing environment should be the purview of shuls, not schools. This would only transfer costs.

Administration The author won't say that some layers of administration aren't necessary, but argues there is more need than people will admit. His argument is that if a principal of a 400 student school were to give each student 5 minutes of time a week, this would consist of 33 hrs and 20 min, or nearly a full time job, hence the greater need for administration.

Kodesh For schools that only teach limudei kodesh in the morning, the challenge becomes how to offer a full-time job if the teacher cannot cross the divide into chol, and most cannot. The same challenge is not shared on the limudei chol side as public school teachers and administrators (!) look to supplement their income. To attract quality teachers for a half-day work, "full-time jobs must be created for them. And from that necessity was born the coordinator. Not an administrator, but something beyond just the classroom instructor; more pay, but not at an admiration's level. And hiring one person to do the myriad of tasks of the coordinators won't really be that much less expensive, plus it would not address the attraction and retention issue." The Rabbi does leave open a possibility of cost cutting here, as he states that when budgets are tight, mid-level jobs have to be redistributed and positions eliminated.

My thoughts (excuse me as I reminisce out loud while offering some thoughts):

The Rabbi's article was not a brainstorm about how to cut costs, but rather what schools are spending on ("why it costs so much"), and how competition plays a large part in determining what money is spent on. Reading in between the lines, the brainstorm is depressing. A demanding parent body in an out-of-pocket education system transforms us into our own worst enemies. Rationality, as Rabbi Scher point out in the article's comments, is not at play here. (With all the ills of a bloated public education system, it seems there is more promise there to control costs). Add that to the admission that jobs were "created" and I'm not sure we can actually lower costs much. We all know that it is far easier to hire than fire, and that once an expense is deemed necessary, cutting back is near impossible.

What the article really is, to me, is a study in how education has changed. I'm not convinced the product is better for all the changes.

I wish I knew what Jewish education looked like before social workers and resource rooms. I'm guessing it looked a lot like my elementary school. There we had 1 principal, a gentle, but firm man named Mr. G. . . . . As I recall, there was a secretary in the administrative area (maybe 2), as well as the school nurse. Come to think about it, in the 3 years I was at that school, I probably only visited the administrative area 5-6 times, mostly to see the school nurse. My recollection of education back in the day was that administration pushed papers and reviewed staff. I recall the principal spending a morning in my classroom each year. I don't believe that principals were expected to interact with each students, certainly not 5 minutes a week, nor were they expected to be hooked up to their blackberries texting with parents! On the contrary, being called into the principals office was scary, and you simply didn't see the principal much.

I recall being called into the principal's office in the 1st grade. Boy, was I scared. The call followed a lunchroom altercation. I was shaking in my fake Keds when I arrived. The visit was short and sweet. Mr. G said to me, "You aren't in trouble. So don't be scared." He then let me know that R was sent home for the day, this wouldn't happen again, and that the nurse would help me wash and dry my shirt so I could wear clean clothing. Thank G-d for fast drying polyester blends. I was back in my panda bear sweatshirt with purple sleeves in no time.

We didn't have social workers in every school to deal with R's problems. There were school psychologists, shared across the district, but none dedicated to any one school. What we did have was p'ed off parents (excuse my language), i.e. parents whose schedules were disruptive to deal with their unruly child, or take a child home midday. I don't want to glorify what was, because there was plenty of bad behavior to go around. But I do think there is a break down in authority and I also believe few kids today get knots in their stomach thinking of what will happen if Dad finds out.

I wonder if administrator duties have changed in public schools today. Today (private Jewish), I see the principal meeting and greeting parents and students in carpool line. And I do believe the students have quite a bit of interaction with the principal (I can't quite recall ever meeting with the principal in the other elementary school I attended). In Yeshiva high schools, I know administrators also teach classes and students spend quite a bit of time with them as there is a more "open door" policy.

Other things we didn't have in elementary school: regular phys ed, art, or music (except for 5th grade band which was totally optional and I'd say about half the class didn't participate. . . I was a non-participant as my parents thought I was better off concentrating on the extracurricular I had already committed too and didn't want me pulled out of class. When band was an elective class, I was allowed to join). I recall a shared P.E. teacher visiting a few times in upper elementary. It wasn't particularly enjoyable. Instead of hitting the soccer field or jumping rope, we had to play organized volleyball. I was about 3 feet too short for that and my serve hit the net if I was lucky. We didn't get much exercise just standing there. There was a shared choir teacher who came around the holidays (I asked to be excused). There was a shared art teacher who came around from time to time. I have no particular recollection pleasant or unpleasant. For the most part, teachers enriched according to their interests. I could have done without one interest. On the other hand, one teacher taught us double-dutch during recess.

One comment (highlighted above, and quoted here in full) really stands out to me. Not for what it says, but for what it doesn't say: "And even those families who are firmly committed to Jewish education still need their children in a nurturing Jewish environment, inside and outside of school. One could argue that this should be the purview of the shuls and not the schools. True enough, but it would only transfer the cost." [Warning: about to step into seriously politically incorrect territory] The expectation is that children must be fully nurtured by the community. Hence the growing demand for social workers, programming, etc. What about transferring some of the responsibility to parents? I guess that boat has sailed. After all, when tuition bills reach into the five, and even six, figures, parents have to outsource these things and schools need to compete. And after paying tuition, there isn't much energy, time, or money left for outside enrichment.

As for the increase in special education services, this is a very touchy area. Over the years, I've read letters from parents that are accusatory in nature. I've never touched the subject here because it is like a hot potato. I feel for parents who are have children that with greater needs, but I simply don't see how private school can accommodate all needs out there with their current resources. It is quite possible too much has been bitten off as it is (see the note about 12% of the budget on resource room alone). There is something unpleasant about being told "we" aren't doing enough, when things are what they are.

In the comments, Rabbi Berger makes a very provoking comment on special education: "Next, speaking as a father who spent years paying for Bridge Classes for a number of children, as well as a child who has Downs…. There is Special Ed and Special Ed. It’s one thing to provide yeshiva education for children who are labeled things like ADD, ADHD, dyslexic… these are critical members of society who the next generation cannot function without. There is also Special Ed like my son with Downs requires. Is his daily yeshiva a communal need or a want? From a straight and admittedly brutal triage perspective, will we pay for one special child to get a basic Jewish education or take that money to pay for over a dozen mainstream or several learning-disabled children? An adult with Downs is not likely to head off the derekh just because his Jewish education is in Sunday School or an after-school program. Real cost cutting will require making those hard decisions, and our unwillingness to face them makes it impossible to make ends meet.."

I will leave my thoughts at that. Personally I'm not convinced smaller classes, more competitive pay, and more everything has created a more enviable product. But, so long as others think it has, the cycle will continue.

This is far too lengthy and I need to get to work to pay tuition :)

Two More School Closings

2011-08-04T14:38:00.004-04:00

There is something terribly sad about schools closing so close to the upcoming school year. My heart goes out to the parents and student who must now regroup so unexpectedly.

Bat Torah Girls High School of New Jersey announced they will not be reopening their doors this fall. As per the article, the scales were tipped when a few students moved schools.

The Twin Cities Chabad boys high school that reported financial troubles, one issue being that not one student paid full tuition. The school just announced that they will not be reopening in September, but they are planning a campaign with hopes to reopen in 2012. This past school year, there was only one student paying the full fare of $19K, which includes room and board.

There isn't much economic commentary to offer that hasn't already been offered. Smaller schools are particularly vulnerable to even the loss of a few students. The institution(s) in smaller communities are particularly vulnerable as a whole to losing even a few students.

Back to the Basics

2011-07-21T20:00:00.000-04:00

I hope my readers will enjoy Rabbi Eli Mansour's Divrei Torah during the three weeks. This was pointed out to me by a reader (thank you!) and it was published in Community Magazine.

The conclusion of his column emphasizing personal responsibility, seeing the consequences of ones actions, and being happy with our lots is below as a taste. Head on over to Community Magazine to read the entire piece. I always enjoy Rabbi Mansour's Torah and thank my reader for pointing this out to me.

Some people might find it strange that a rabbi would emphasize specifically this issue as we enter the period of mourning for the hurban. It has become expected to hear about loftier subjects such as loving our fellow Jew, avoiding lashon hara (negative speech about people), prayer, modesty and Torah study. Undoubtedly, we should try to improve ourselves in all areas of religious observance, and the aforementioned topics, and so many others, are integral to this endeavor. But every so often, it is worthwhile to go back to the basics. The road to holiness begins with a basic sense of responsibility and discipline. Though the road certainly does not end there, that must be our point of departure. From there, we will hopefully continue to grow and improve, and become worthy of the long-awaited return of the divine presence to the Jewish nation, speedily and in our days, amen. [Emphasis mine].

Oy, Hawking of Yeshuot Moves to Daily Deal Sites

2011-07-20T09:42:00.005-04:00

I generally refrain from all but informational blog posts during the 3 weeks. But after tons of segula posts and a cry against how tzedakah is marketed, I am choosing to blog this because, you know what, this is informative (!) as it is a change in the fundamentals, the underpinnings, the very basics. Truth be told, I had a bit of a laugh initially because it was so unexpected and the entire format of the deal seemed humorous. A coupon for tzedakah? With an expiration date to boot!

But then I stopped laughing. Looks like we have a new forum for hawking yeshuot and tzedakah. And if you read the background, it is worse than hawking tzedakah. Let someone else take over tefillah for you (I think tefillah is something that is difficult for many of us and that we could develop greater understanding and skill in), and believe that we are getting closer to Hashem while our "hearts desire" is fulfilled.

The online daily deal format is highly impulsive. It is a brilliant idea, a lot like a virtual Costco. There are lots of deep discounts and some really great deals, but you went in intending to buy some basics to realize the savings (yeast, flour, eggs, cheese), and now you own a beautiful jungle gym, some great gadgets, a lifetime supply of crasins, and a CD collection.

And, after reading the small print (see below because it is really important to absorb), there is so much to say, but I will save the commentary.

Discounted: 40 Consecutive Days of Prayer by a Torah Scholar at the Kotel for only $38.

Wish you could find your soulmate, get a better job and keep your family in good health ("gay gazinta hate!")? Buy this jdeal for $38 and a Torah scholar will pray on your behalf at the Kotel for 40 consecutive days ($95 value).

Of course, it would be such a m'chaya if you could get there yourself...but unless you won our recent seriously surprising jdeal for a free ticket to Israel via the HAS Advantage card, it may not be in the cards. Let a Torah scholar do it for you with daily trips to the Kotel (come wind, hail, rain or snow) where he will daven with kavana and say all the right things to help get your prayers answered. You too can join the countless individuals who found their beshert, and improved their jobs and health after these prayers. The best part: Your $38 will go to charity to support Jerusalem families.

Buy this jdeal today and thank Hashem for always being there...even when you can't be.
Expires 07/29/2011. May buy unlimited vouchers. Voucher redeemable 1 business day after purchase. Sign up form needs to be completed within 10 days after run date. No limit to sign ups per person. One person will be prayed for per sign up. Prayers will begin within 2 weeks of sign up. Must use in one sign up. Tax included. No cash or credit back. Not valid with other offers. Subject to availability. Redeemable online only.

The idea for Western Wall Prayers originally came from Gershon [deleted]. Gershon left his family's insurance business in Chicago in 1999 to pursue full-time Torah studies at the Center Program at Ohr Somayach Yeshiva in Jerusalem. After two years, he moved to Yeshivas Bircas HaTorah in the Old City where he learned full-time until he became its Executive Director in 2004. He now divides his time between a rigorous personal learning program and running much of the yeshiva's day-to-day business and management affairs.
Gershon founded Western Wall Prayers together with his wife Batya [deleted], a former lawyer who moved from her hometown of Toronto to Israel in 2001. She studied full-time at the Neve Yerushalayim and Eyaht seminaries before meeting and marrying Gershon in 2003.

Batya and Gershon live in the heart of the Jewish Quarter with their children [deleted], and are active members of the local community. They regularly host Shabbos guests from Jerusalem and around the world. Batya trained and certified as a spiritual therapist under Rabbi Efim Svirsky (head of the Aish HaTorah Russian program). She brings these skills to her role at Western Wall Prayers, using an understanding and intuitive approach to help applicants articulate their personal prayers. She sees her involvement in Western Wall Prayers as a true calling, an opportunity to help people get closer to their Creator and develop their power of prayer.
Batya and Gershon hand-pick some of the Old City's finest and most capable Rabbis, teachers and students to pray at the Kotel. These people's entire families often stay in the Old City with them for 40 consecutive days so that they can meet their awesome responsibility to the donor.
For the past six years on, Western Wall Prayers has attracted international attention and prayer requests from every corner of the Earth - and the result has been spectacular (thank G-d). But the essence of Western Wall Prayers remains the personal attention and guidance that Batya and her assistant Shira give to every single donor. Many of them stay in touch long after their 40 days have ended and their hearts' desire has been fulfilled."

Resist Using Tragedy to Prompt a Agenda

2011-07-17T15:26:00.007-04:00

Words cannot express the deep emotion that so many people feel for the Boro Park family who lost their sweet boy to pure evil. The emotions are shared by Americans nationwide and people throughout the world. The murder was so gruesome and unfathomable, and for those in the Jewish community, the pain is only compounded by the fact that the murder himself is ~~one of us~~ a member of the tribe.

I was surprised to see just how many Op-Ed's quickly surfaced, which is to be expected in the age of communication. But I really think it important to be careful, take a deep breath, take in the pain, and resist using this tragedy to play Navi or promote an agenda. We will never know the reason why Hashem allowed this boy's young life to be snuffed out and to insinuate reasons is incredibly presumptuous, perhaps even damaging when emotions run high. This is not to say that we should not be engaging in individual and communal introspection, each community and each man or woman examining.

I see little productive purpose in an organization coming in and drawing a correlation for the mourners of Israel (and attempting to raise money for their cause). This is an incredible and painful travesty, one for which we should be careful not to point fingers too quickly. And, furthermore (!) there are immediate pressing needs, particularly the important material and spiritual needs of the family in the present.

Now I'd like to say something about the third leg what is being promoted to "boost the kedusha" of Klal Yisael: tznius. (Note: I have no objection to tackling addictions or molestation or even tzniut issues). But, I believe the focus on tznius vis a vis one singular aspect (female dress) is extremely damaging. In this case, it is even more insidious. Mothers everywhere are taking a look at their parenting. They are trying to figure out where more supervision is needed and where freedom is age-appropriate. They are trying to figure out how much to supervise, how much to educate, how much to hover, how much to step back. . . . . are the talk being circulated tells women, mothers, girls that the goal is that we all have to "look invisible."

Let's resist using this horrific, horrific event to promote agendas. Let's step back, allow the emotions and logic to reach an equilibrium, and then perhaps publish editorials.

[Update: also see Rabbi Chaim B. of Divrei Chaim post "Crass" who is right to the point: "

I don't even want to discuss whether anyone can claim understanding of why Hashem would allow a child's life to be taken. To advertise in this way is not a philosophical or theological affront -- it is simply vulgar and crass. It's not a matter of a warped sense of Torah values, but a matter of a complete lack of derech eretz and common decency." Amen selah].

Two notes:

~~1. I'm turning on comment moderation for right now.~~ Comment moderation has been turned off for now.

2. A note to a particular reader who will likely comment: while I do not normally engage in listening to these chizuk, tznius speeches, I have family that is very into this, so I'm not in the dark as to what these talks consist of.

It is the Way of Men to Pursue Women!

2011-07-12T06:00:00.000-04:00

Rabbi Pruzansky of the Rabbi Pruzansky blog has written a column has simply blown me out of my seat: Dating Self-Help. While I do see many merits of 'shidduchim', I have long felt that the manifestations of such has simply emasculated the male population. And, I don't think it's done much for the fairer half either. The rejection of the natural, i.e. men pursuing women in hopes of marriage and building a family, along with any other practices designed to save children and adults from rejection, potential embarrassment, feelings of being different, what have you, have left us weakened when it comes to simply dealing with life and everything life hands to us.

The article is a must read, so head on over to the Rabbi's blog. Following are a few key quotes. I like that the Rabbi doesn't beat around bush and I like that in the concluding paragraph he connects the idea of molding more assertive men to more confident women. Such a cultural change would make forums like this obsolete!

The Gemara (Kiddushin 2b) cites the pasuk “When a man takes a woman [in marriage]” and explains “darko shel ish l’chazer al ha-isha,” it is the way of men to pursue women [in marriage]. It is not the way of men, or shouldn’t be, to enlist a band of agents, intermediaries, and attorneys to do the work for them. By infantilizing and emasculating our males, we have complicated a process that should be simpler and made a joyous time into one of relentless anguish and hardship for many women.

In the realm of dating and marriage, we are breeding Ohn [Korach's original co-conspirator whom was saved by his wife] by the thousands by freeing men from their obligation to pursue their potential spouses, and thereby relegating women to the dependent role of passively waiting to be the chosen one. Why do we do that, and is there a better option ?

Some will argue that the shidduch system spares our children the pain of rejection – but part of life, and a huge part of parenting, is preparing our children for a world in which they will experience rejection at some point. That is called maturity.

Something is not normal, and against human nature as Chazal perceived it, for men to be so diffident, so timid, so Ohn-like, and sit back comfortably relying on others to procure them dates. Young men who would not allow others to choose for them a lulav and etrog do not hesitate to delegate others to find them a spouse.

As well-meaning as the system intends, it must be demeaning and deflating – worse than even the rejection that happens after casual encounters.

As a community we have other options than the false choice of isolationism or promiscuity, and we need to strengthen our young men with the inner confidence to guide their own lives. There are too many people walking around with Y chromosomes who are not men

May Hashem bless with success the work of all shadchanim. But we need to shift the culture away from the passive indifference of the well-connected to the active pursuit of spouses by all, and thereby mold more assertive men and more confident women. That is because more is expected of us – as a nation that is called by G-d for greatness not mediocrity, to be active not passive, to be followers of G-d and leaders of mankind.

Readers, besides shidduchim, what other practices of modern day parenting and modern day chinuch do you see as emasculating men and creating wall flower women?

School Supply Buying Season Has Arrived

2011-07-11T22:43:00.003-04:00

I feel as though summer has just started, but July has rolled around and if you are a fellow frugalist(a), it is time to start watching the Staples and Office Depot advertisements for Back to School Deals. If you prefer not to watch the ads, make sure you are subscribed blogs such as Kosher on a Budget or Cheapskate for school supply alerts and links to coupons. A quick trip twice a month or so through the a big box Office Supply Store starting in July is an integral part of our summer. The kids pick up their inexpensive required supplies. I pick up inexpensive supplies for my own home office. And, I often restock the gift box with gifts and useful, nearly free, party favors.

As a general rule, I dislike shopping. And, stronger than my dislike of shopping is my dislike of shopping with an impending deadline. So, when I do drag everyone out shopping, I like to cover as much ground as possible. This week, I'm restocking certain items like salsa. I found out that our Dollar Tree has $1 jars of salsa, so when I was buying a case, I also had the kids pick out the paper goods for their birthday parties. They all happily pinned down a theme, and I'm happy that I don't have to go back to this store for a good long time to come.

This week, getting to Staples for a quick run through for 1 cent glues and 1 cent pencil cap erasers is a must. My $5 minimum purchase will quickly be met with the purchase of two reams of paper, which will be 25 cents each after I submit for rebate.

If you are a regular office supply store customer (as I am), and will be able to use the rewards because you have to buy paper and ink throughout the year, the big deal to watch for at Staples is their free after rewards backpack deal. That deal usually pops up mid-summer. Each year I try to pick up a backpack for the future. Last year, my oldest picked out a really fantastic, high quality backpack. It still looks brand new and will continue to serve us going into the 2011-2012 school year. Nonetheless, I don't mind having surplus backpack supply because 1) things break when nothing is on sale and 2) I like to have different backpacks prepacked for outings, workouts, diapering, etc.

I plan to get over to Office Depot too. Their rewards program is not nearly as friendly as Staples Rewards Program. But the store is nearby another destination and they are offering 100% rewards on things that do make nice gifts, as well as ridiculously expensive pens that someone I know will much appreciate.

And on a different note: When I've been out shopping during the school supply rush season, I always note that parents are very frustrated by the growing supply list (thankfully our school's supply list is fairly basic and I was please to see most of the supplies were used up). Supply lists should be as general as possible. It is best for parents and students to be able to "shop at home" by picking out suitable supplies from the supply cabinet at home.

And on a final note: There are programs for donating school supplies. If anyone has ever organized a donation program for yeshiva schools, I'd appreciate a guest post on the subject.

Recommended Reading:

My summary of the Staples Rewards Program(s) from a former post. And a few notes:

When heading to Staples, don't forget to put your empty ink cartridges in a bag to recycle for Staples Rewards dollars.

If you are in the market for a printer, watch for the printer recycling program. This is a nice way to knock $50 off the price of a new printer when you recycling an old printer regularly priced at or above $199 (look for a sale on a printer you like). Something to watch for if you aren't too particular, a floor model that has been slashed in price combined with $50 off for recycling your printer. The last time Staples had this deal, there were floor models marked down significantly that would have been almost free with a recycled printer.

If you are in the market for a phone system, consider recycling your old phones. There is a $30 price reduction when you do so.

My summary of the Office Depot WorkLife Rewards Program.

Things to Find Out Before Buying a Home

2011-07-07T10:49:00.004-04:00

Baruch Hashem, home ownership has worked in our favor, but the more times I do it and the more times I field questions, the more I realize that in a certain sense, I've went in blind and thankfully everything has worked out well.

I've written a lot about hidden costs on this blog and I thought I'd address five areas of hidden costs on a home and what questions to ask:

1. Utilities? It is a good practice to get an accounting of utilities used in the past year. But utility bills aren't the entire story. Do the current owners blast the heat or bundle up? Do the current owners shvitz in the summer, or is the home nice and cool? Are people home using utilities during the year or is everyone out of the house? Knowing how many residents is helpful also. If an elderly couple is living in the home, e.g., the water bill estimate will need to be increased if you are moving 2 adults and 4 very active children into the home.

To get a good handle on what utilities should run, speak to other people in the neighborhood to compare costs and try to come to a good estimate regarding the cost of utilities.

2. Property Tax? Knowing what the current owners are paying in property tax is not enough. It is a good practice to get copies of 3 years of bills to see the assessment and credits. Many counties offer credits which might be applicable to the current owner but won't necessarily be applicable to you. If there are credits for energy saving improvements, find out if that credit is applicable. Do the current owners qualify for a property tax credit based on income for which you would be ineligible? Even if you are currently eligible, what type of jump will you experience should your income increase?

3. Insurance? Insurance costs can vary widely. Rather that inquiring about the current owners current insurance policy, which might have a different deductible or different coverage amounts than you would like, call your insurance broker directly and get a solid estimate regarding insurance. It is very likely the current owner qualifies for a lower price based on military service, for example. To date, I have been unable to match the insurance price of the previous owners of this home, although we've been able to shave off cost by working with a great broker.

4. Maintenance and Upkeep Bills? If I'd only asked for maintenance bills on the first home, I might have either opted for a different home or asked for a sizable discount. A home inspection can detect a lot, but if an owner is a bit, uh, desperate, you might find yourself in for more than you bargained for. Are there regular repairs to any systems, like plumbing? Will you need to bring out a pest control service regularly for bees or other vermin?

If you are buying a home with a bonus, like a pool or fancy landscaping or even a deck/gazebo or a fireplace, find out what that costs are to maintain the extras (or alternatively, hauled away). Don't forget to find out what it costs to have the lawn mowed, the gutters cleaned, or the leaves raked if you don't plan to take care of it yourself. Even if you do plan on taking care of it yourself, it still might be good to work the extra into your budget. Neighbors don't like seeing your lawn turn into the jungle because you've been traveling for work.

This list just touches the surface. Feel free to share your surprises.

Don't Hate!

2011-07-03T10:04:00.005-04:00

A comment left on a different thread

Wow. What a judgmental bunch. I suspect that everyone on this board commenting negatively has a very comfortable income and assets. We don't know what this family's situation is . . . . . .

A number of years ago, I had a couple came to my home where they outlined their situation of personal financial woe and the went on to cast an "ayin hara" on our situation, which they summed up by looking around (at what they didn't have, we live in a pretty run of the mill home, although we love it and it is our mansion): my husband must have a very high income and our parents must have set us up quite nicely.

Was our income higher than theirs? Yes (and their income could have been higher with a different attitude and approach). But even when we had their not-so-shabby income, we were managing to save what they were managing to accumulate in amassing debt. Have we received more "help" from our parents? I have no idea and frankly it doesn't really matter. "Help" will only put you ahead if your behave with your money: earning with integrity, spending with frugality, and saving with determination. If money were to land in our lap tomorrow, our lives would remain the same. They've already spend the money that could land in their lap in their imagination.

Over the years I've met many people who believe that those doing well are doing well because of income. Over the years I've met many people who believe the reason some couples are ahead is because their parents are well-off and are helping. Over the years I've worked with many people who are just downright jealous. And, worse yet, their jealousy is completely misplaced because they do have a reasonable financial situation and with some creativity and discipline, they too could have a piece of that pie.

There are janitors that are quite comfortable and celebrities who are broke. One such celebrity-athlete who went broke was Mike Tyson:

Tyson had earned over $300 million during his career as a boxer but jewelry, mansions, cars, limousines, cellphones, parties, clothing, motorcycles and Siberian tigers eventually caught up to him. In 2003, when no more green came out of the debit machine, he had to file for bankruptcy, thanks to his colourful variety of debts including $13.4 million to the IRS and a $9 million divorce settlement to his ex-wife, Monica Turner. From 1995 to 1997, he spent $9 million in legal fees, $230,000 on pagers and cellphones, and $410,000 on a birthday party. In June 2002, he owed $8,100 to care for his tigers and $65,000 for limos.

Sadly, a lot of Mike Tyson's financial behavior--less the Siberian tigers as pet ownership is one area where you don't hear money being sucked out of the frum oilam's pockets--, is prevalent (albeit on a smaller scale, although as a ratio of income earned, perhaps it is on a greater scale) in our own communities.

Too much house for your station, too much car for your station, too much party for your station, too much tech for your station, too much clothing for your station. . . . and the formula is the same: broke. Income and assets be darned. They aren't the only part of the equation. In my experience, they are the less important part of the equation.

I do take the criticism I receive from readers very seriously and I want to make it clear that when I use real life examples of financial behavior gone wrong (such as continual borrow, the post that initiated this particular anon comment) it is **not** to make fun, but to give an examples of financial behavior that are ultimately destructive. I also have numerous posts on money saving tips too, all of which contain ideas that can be adopted by those who would like to achieve more prosperity and comfort.

I'd say that the commentor is just as judgmental as he (or she?) accuses the readership of being. I can only speak for my own household, but the comfort that we have achieved thus far isn't due to a silver spoon permanently lodged in our throats. At every juncture we have made deliberate decisions to live below our means, while the couple that expressed their jealousy of our situation, has and continues to make decisions that contribute to their financial woe. With a different relationship to finances, they too would be more comfortable.

Don't hate! Keep jealousy in check. Take notes when that jealousy emerges. **Learn new skills.** And maybe there will be a more prosperous financial future ahead.

Guest Poster at KOAB

2011-06-30T22:49:00.001-04:00

I'm a featured guest poster on KOAB. Check out my post Summer Meal Prep o the Fly and share your own quick and frugal meal tips that keep pizza at bay.

Statement of Integrity, join the movement

2011-06-28T06:00:00.000-04:00

A reader pointed out that the Ottawa Torah Institute and Machon Sarah have posted a Statement of Integrity on their webpage. The school is asking other schools to join them. This is a wonderful start to combating a near disease. Read on and encourage your school to join a movement to clarify issues of yashrut.

Statement of Integrity

To our great sadness, recent criminal convictions and ongoing prosecutions of individuals associating with or representing various Orthodox Jewish institutions (fortunately, none of them in Ottawa) have raised questions regarding core Torah values and beliefs. So that there should be no confusion, we feel we therefore have no choice but to make our views public and to formally distance ourselves from any such behaviour.

It is the position of the Ottawa Torah Institute that theft, fraud, money laundering, the abuse of government social programs or any similar crimes (including, Heaven forbid, crimes of violence) are plainly forbidden by Torah law no matter who stands to gain or who the victim may be.

We believe that Jews should have an especially deep sense of gratitude to the governments of the Western world - our own Canadian government in particular - for having provided us with a safe, prosperous and truly free home without parallel in all the centuries of our people's exile. We also share a very keen interest in preserving and enhancing the rule of law. Being the proud and grateful beneficiaries of our nation's just laws and their fair enforcement, it is unfathomable to us how anyone similarly blessed could spurn them.

We invite other like-minded Torah institutions to similarly make their beliefs known.Let us know if you do join in.

Read this particularly appropriate article, written decades ago by Rabbi Shimon Schwab of the Breuer's kehilla of Washington Heights, New York.

Tuition vs. the Dentist

2011-06-27T07:30:00.001-04:00

[Previous post is active,. After a blogging lull, I think I'm on a blogging spree].

Long time readers might remember this post in which a letter writer and commentors talked about "giving up the dentist" because of Yeshiva Tuition. It seems that trading in health for tuition keeps coming up. These excerpts are from the post 2010 post:

Excerpt #1: But is hard to appreciate the good things in life when you are sitting and staring at a bank account that is emptying out faster than it fills up. It is hard to smile when you have to tell your 12-year-old kid that he can’t go to the dentist this month even though his tooth is hurting because you don’t have the money for it. It is hard to be happy when your wife is frustrated that you are just not making ends meet no matter how hard you are working and how hard you are trying.

Excerpt #2: Giving up the dentist was the hardest of all for us, we also earn income higher than this poster, but when we had no income, the school tuition committee thought we were hiding something and refused us. That was 15 years ago and we still don’t have necessary dental care—the adults in our family have allowed our teeth to rot and become diseased, and have suffered bouts of excruciating pain without seeing a dentist because we couldn’t afford it. The children who needed braces did not get them, nor did they get normal dental care. Along the way we mentioned this to a Rav whose response was What about all the Rabbi’s teaching in Yeshiva who can’t get dental care? So we just keep quiet and suffer. But at least now we pay full tuition.

This week on imamother in a post on does anyone really save (yes!), 2011, someone writes:

I would love to save, but how? My husband and I both work. We make too much to get any benefits. The yeshivos and schools all see our income and will not give any tuition reductions. We live in a too small apartment because we cannot afford to pay more in rent. It is now nearly the end of the month and our account is overdrawn by nearly $100 and we still owe money to the grocery. I was so embarrassed to turn away a meshulach last week--I couldn't even find a quarter to give him! We don't have dental insurance (too expensive), so my kids have not been to the dentist, although they need to and do have cavities.

I agree savings are necessary, but there are those of us who really and truly live paycheck to paycheck without any extras. I don't have even an extra 2 cents.

I understand forgoing vacations, trips, cars, a more comfortable home to provide children with education. I can understand forgoing saving to pay for Yeshiva tuition, even though I think it is a decision that is soon to catch up with far too many people. But I can't understand forgoing the treatment of cavities. I don't like to throw around words like abuse or neglect, but the practice of forgoing basic dental health is dangerous and at the very least neglectful.

I was surprised the follow up comment was:

"If you've gone through your budget, eliminated the things that you can, and still can't save, well, then you can't save right now. Most of us have gone through periods like that. "

Maybe I'm the bad/unreasonable person here, but for us basic health comes before tuition. What else isn't getting treated? Just a month out of school (perhaps Tishrei, followed by begging your way back in come Cheshvan) would solve the immediate need for dentistry. At some point tuition is EXTRA and I think that when your kid's teeth are rotting, that point has been reached.

Do I have any dentists readers out there? Can one of you possibly volunteer a post? Information I'd like to learn most about is if middle-income families can qualify for low cost dental care or take advantage of dental clinics in dental schools.

Guest Post: Retirement Stages

2011-06-26T13:15:00.004-04:00

~~I forgot to ask my reader if I could identify, so until the reader self-identifies, I will not put an identity onto this Guest Post/Comment sent to me offline.~~ Thank you ProfK for your insightful comments and guest post. ProfK blogs at Conversations in Klal.

When people discuss retirement, they are often discussing different things, hence statements like that of one of my friends, "retirement is goyish." The first time I heard of this comment arguing that saving for retirement was unnecessary, I was perplexed/floored. What could possibly be "goyish" about having the money stop working because it is simply impossible or not in the best interest of the client/patient to be in the workplace? What could possibly be goyish about retaining some dignity and not come to rely on others when your expenses exceed your income (which can and does happen even if you continue to work)? What could possibly be "goyish" about leaving the classroom because your heart is no longer there?

Once I put my thinking cap on (dan l'chaf zechut), I realized that my friend has a T.V. view of retirement where retirees cease being productive. Personally, I have no issues with people who have worked for many years, met their obligations, and put their children on their own two feet, taking some of their hard earned money to do things they are interested in doing, be that traveling the world or leaving the world of earning to sit and learn or volunteer. I guess there are always those who will park themselves in front of their TV and speed the aging process. But that doesn't make retirement bad, does it?

In the spirit of full disclosure, I tend to jump straight to "stage 2" as defined by my guest poster because I'm hoping to reach the audience that views retirement as only fun, fun, fun, forgetting that retirement also means expenses that made yeshiva look like a bargain.

From now on, I'm hoping to use "stage 1" or "stage 3" in posts about retirement because I like the demarcation. It is important to remember that one spouse might be in a "stage 1" while the other hits "stage 3" pre-maturely. Or a couple might never enjoy a "stage 1" because they slowed down while they were still working.

Nonetheless, when thinking about retirement, there is much to consider. So, without further ado, my guest poster:

----------------------------------------------------

Just a few thoughts on the posting on retirement that you put up that the article referenced doesn't cover and that might be helpful when you do your commentary later.

Given the age that people live to today talking about retirement is a misnomer--there are at least 2, possibly 3, retirement levels for people over 65, and each level has differing requirements. Level 1 is the "yippee, I no longer have to work all year and can finally do all the things I've put off doing and see all the places I've put off seeing" level. During this time period, generally from immediately post retirement until some time in the late 70s, retirees seem to like to travel, and still pretty much have the energy to do so. People on this level are likely to move away from their home communities, particularly if those communities are in cold weather areas. Trying out new experiences is part of this level. Generally speaking people on this level are still fairly healthy, although some problems may be developing or first show up. Most seniors on this level are still fairly self-mobile, most continuing to drive their own cars. Obviously there are exceptions, but I'm talking about the general run of people in this age range. This level lasts until the mid to late 70s. While there are some who may require assisted living facilities or nursing homes, the majority of those on this level can remain in their own homes.

Level 2 is from the late 70s into about the mid 80s. This level is characterized by a reduction in "energy," with activities slowing down. Many serious health issues can become problematic during this level. In particular, vision and its related ailments starts playing a larger role in the lives of people on this level. People on this level may find themselves needing to be closer to family--and moving to be closer if they are living elsewhere- because they need extra help they didn't need for Level 1. Mobility may become an issue for some on this level--you see a lot of knee and hip replacements as joints wear out and bones break easier. Many on this level no longer drive a car, so getting places can be more difficult. Certain heretofore quite doable household chores take much longer, if they can be done at all. A number of people on this level may find themselves requiring assisted living facilities or nursing homes.

Level 3 does not have a large population of people, although that will change as they are constantly upgrading average life expectancy. People on this level are from the mid 80s to in the 90s. Fully healthy, fully independent people on this level are rare. While some may live by themselves in their own homes, they need assistance with many/most ordinary tasks of living. Short and long term memory problems are common on this level. Any health issues that arise present more of a difficulty as people in this age range have less resistance to such health issues, less ability to fight back. For wont of a better word, people on this level are fragile. On this level living independently becomes the exception rather than the rule. Certainly a large percentage of these people find themselves living with family or living in nursing homes.

From an economic point of view, the monies required differ for each level as expenditures change. Planning for retirement income, therefore, requires people to look at the three levels and see how much will be needed to sustain them on each level. As the article noted, nursing homes are notoriously expensive. If that possibility may exist as you go to Level 2 and Level 3, spending will need to be adjusted in Level 1 to account for this.

. . . . just some thoughts I thought I'd share.

Worth While Read: 5 Biggest Retirement Myths

2011-06-23T14:29:00.003-04:00

I've wanted to share some thoughts on the cost of aging for a while now and this Smart Money Magazine article is a good place to start as it mirrors some of my own thoughts on retirement/aging.

In Smart Money's 5 Biggest Retirement Myth articles, the author names these myths and I have followed each category with some notes of my own.

1. $1 Million Will be Enough

The article mentions that future retirees don't correctly estimate what they will need in retirement which is likely directly related to the following myth #2, that people spend less when they are older. When coupled with falling investment income and market fluctuation, that seemingly huge amount of money doesn't seem so big anymore. Furthermore, inflation on the basics makes it difficult to keep up. A paid off home still requires lights, gas, and water. Eating costs can easily double, especially if a special diet must be adhered to.

2. You'll Spend Less When You Are Older

If there is any myth that needs to go, this one is it. The article mentions exotic travel versus funding a grandchild's College Savings plan, both optional expenses, as well as rocketing entertainment and travel expenses.

Leaving aside the optional expenses, medical expenses are seriously underestimated in the planning stages. Life insurance may no longer be necessary, but the costs are replaced (exponentially) by long term care insurance. I'm continually struck by how much medical costs run even where health is relatively ok.

Many believe they will be able to stay in their (paid for) home, but find it is necessary to re-locate to a residence such as a condo or co-op. Fees and taxes alone can rival a mortgage in some places. People who have never spent a penny on cleaning services may now find that necessary. Ditto for lawn services or other personal services.

3. Older People Need More Bonds

4. You're Money Lasts Longer if You Move

In this section, the author talks about comparing all taxes (state income vs. sales tax vs. property tax). Additionally, not every retiree moves from an expensive area to an inexpensive one. The opposite might be more pragmatic ad that is something to consider. Quality of life factored in, some choose to follow their children to more expensive areas, or return to the expensive area because that is home.

Knowing a little bit about what nursing assistance can cost, having family close by and available to help could well be a more frugal choice over trading in more expensive digs for less expensive ones.

5. Uncle Sam Has Your Back

Medicare doesn't cover it all, necessitating supplemental insurance. Medicaid for nursing home care only sets in once you are properly impoverished. A spouse can retain some assets in addition to a home, but those assets need to cover housing, food, taxes, transportation, medical, etc. Long term care might alleviate some of the expense of nursing home care should that become necessary, but anyone have an idea of what nursing care runs even after insurance? And then there are still the expenses of the household.

More thoughts to follow I'm sure.

Can Someone Just Say it Out Loud?

2011-06-21T23:59:00.003-04:00

Hat Tip: Jewish Worker

Can someone just say out loud that this (published in Mishpacha) and this (an advertisement I saw in other publications besides the one Marty Bluke noted) are foreign worship/avoda zara!?!

I simply will not give to any organization that promotes such foreign worship. I wish publications would refuse such ads. These same publications have take to obliterating the faces of girls and women of all ages, to say nothing of the stir of recent memory when Clinton was photoshopped out of a picture, in the name of "tznius" yet they run ads for manufactured segulot, the newest being "segula wine" and "silver segula rings" which have been engraved with holy names and dunked in the mikvah three times, and protected with double cover as per the instructions.

What's next Marty Bluke asks? I have no idea. But I think it high time some frum communities stop getting worked up when a missionary step foot in the 'hood. Far more dangerous than a J-Witness handing out literature door to door or a young group of Mormons knocking, are the advertisements making their into frum houses each and every week via snail mail and in publications and advertising booklets.

Owning Your Problem

2011-06-15T18:42:00.006-04:00

I have to point my readers to a totally unexpected personal finance reflection, 10 Ways to Stay Poor Forever, featured on Budgets are Sexy by Ms. Adams. Ms. Adams, in the comments section, writes that social programs turned her into a government assistance junkie and calls her own life repugnant. What I like about this post is that the author has owned her problem. That is empowering.

I like this post because the author is taking ownership of her issue. Because it was so blunt, I originally thought it was a satire piece, but apparently not. In the 10 Ways to Stay Poor Forever, she manages to summarize months worth of blog material here at Orthonomics.

Since I can't cut and paste the post here, I will just summarize and you can head on over to the post yourself!

How to "Stay Poor Forever", the kitzur.

Don't pay your bills.
Rely on windfalls.
Avoid manual labor, babysitting, and extra jobs.
Spend your time chasing government assistance.
Congratulate yourself on lack of a mortgage.
Waste time finding yourself and your next career.
Spend time on "work at home opportunities" and multi-level marketing schemes.
Spend too much time shopping and finding deals, even though you don't have money to spend and a budget.
Don't make realistic plans.
Throw tantrums when you run out of money and celebrate a paycheck by spending money.
And #11, a latte habit.

Some People Will Use Anything as an Argument for Vouchers

2011-06-15T17:54:00.003-04:00

Priority 7, ACS, OST, alphabet and number soup. Once again the Brooklyn frum community is campaigning to have funding restored to child care programs that are heavily used by the Brooklyn frum community.

Yet in the fight to restore this welfare program, VIN readers of this Press Release and this Press Releases, readers who are fighting for restored welfare funding make the case for private school vouchers!

Here are two gems:

If you realy want to save money and get a better education, just give 1/3 of the money used for public schools as a voucher directly to the parents to use for school. Each public school child cost about $15,000 per year! Our budget problems would be solved!

--AND--

I haven't seen any comments putting this issue into the following perspective:

Religious families are denied equal access to public funding. Why are we being denied a free and appropriate education?

We have no choice but the foot the bill and pay school taxes and then tuitions for all our wonderful children (which we should never be criticized for having!).

Our children become productive citizens and assets to society!

Why are we being inhibited from
our right to give our children a religious education?!

This is unconstitutional--and we should be fighting with this cause!

This is assistance we as a community deserve and have earned!

Please contact me to promote this cause.

Earth to the commentators! You are beneficiaries of private (yeshiva) education. Government dependency among such beneficiaries is ridiculously high. This is not a convincing argument for school vouchers! If anything, it is an argument against private education. But I guess when you are fighting the good fight, anything can and will be used as an argument for vouchers. . . even the threat of cuts to welfare programs. Goodness gracious. There are no words for such ridiculousness.

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